How the Parenting Coordination Process Works

High‑conflict co‑parenting rarely improves through goodwill or repeated court appearances alone. Parenting Coordination offers a structured, child‑focused process designed to help parents move forward within their existing parenting agreement or court order.

Most of the work occurs before any decisions are made.

The Parenting Coordination process begins with supportive, non‑coercive coaching and facilitation, grounded in neuroscience and conflict‑management research. Parents are supported in developing practical communication skills and problem‑solving approaches that reduce escalation and allow day‑to‑day parenting issues to be addressed more effectively.

This stage focuses on:

containing conflict rather than assigning blame
helping parents communicate in ways that don’t trigger repeated crises
supporting voluntary change and agreement wherever possible

Only when agreement cannot be reached—and only where authorized by a court order or agreement—does the process move into a more formal decision‑making phase. Any determinations are limited, order‑based, and focused strictly on implementing existing parenting arrangements.

Parenting Coordination is not therapy, and it is not about forcing people to change. It is a structured process designed to:

reduce escalation
create predictability
support children by limiting their exposure to adult conflict

Clients who proceed with Parenting Coordination receive detailed process guidance and written materials explaining the communication frameworks, expectations, and limits of the role.

A brief consultation can help determine whether Parenting Coordination is appropriate and what legal authority would be required.

Core Communication Skills We Teach

BIFF Communication:

Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm communication introduced by Bill Eddy at the Conflict Institute

BIFF removes emotional hooks and prevents escalation by keeping communication short, factual, and professional. Read more: Unproductive Communication

Making a Proposal

Instead of focusing on problems, another Billy Eddy communication tool for parents is to learn to propose solutions in communications. This shifts communication from arguing to problem‑solving.

No JADE

In healthy communication, do not Justify, Argue, Defend, or Emotionally Engage. JADE fuels high‑conflict cycles. Learning to stop JADE‑ing protects your emotional energy and prevents escalation.

Practical Guidance for Daily Co‑Parenting

• Detachment is a skill - focus on your own actions

• Focus on what you control: tone, boundaries, and responses

• Document objectively

• Use email for facts, not conflict

• Use structured meetings for complex or emotional issues

Our Communication Agreement

Digital Accountability (Our Family Wizard)

We provide transparent, monitored communication that supports accountability and organization.

Read more about the benefits of your PC monitoring (no charge if no problems): Communication Apps. If you have communication you do not want monitored, write "private" in the subject line. The message can be reviewed by the PC at the request of either parent if it becomes relevant.

Coaching & Practical Tools

We provide one‑on‑one support, custom no-fee educational program , and balanced reporting to ensure accuracy, neutrality and fairness. Scroll down for more co-parenting tips or read from our full collection of parenting articles in our Resource Library.

Counselling Supports (As Needed)

We can provide referrals to counselling or child‑focused therapy when appropriate.

Co-parenting Tip: The Art of "No JADE" –Don't Justify, Argue, Defend, or Emotionally Engage

This is tricky, but absolutely transformative. High-conflict co-parents often thrive on pulling you into an emotional rollercoaster cycle of JADE. When you JADE, you inadvertently fuel the conflict.

Justify: You feel the need to explain your actions or decisions extensively.
Argue: You get drawn into a back-and-forth debate about who is right or wrong.
Defend: You try to protect yourself from accusations or blame.
Emotionally Engage: You react to their provocations with anger, frustration, sadness, or any strong emotion.

Why No JADE is so powerful: When you refuse to JADE, you withhold the "fuel" that the conflict needs to burn. You become less reactive and more strategic.

Co-Parent says: "You're always late! You obviously don't care about our children's schedule."
Your JADE response: "That's not fair! I was only 5 minutes late last time because of traffic, and I called ahead! I care deeply about their schedule; you're the one who..." (You're justifying, arguing, defending, and getting emotionally engaged.)
Your No JADE response (using BIFF principles): "I understand your concern about punctuality. I will ensure I am on time for pickup." (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm – and no JADE.)

Maintain a business relationship and remove all drama. This response doesn't justify, argue, defend, or emotionally engage. It acknowledges, states a commitment, and effectively ends the unproductive conversation. Read more about DARVO

Read our Blog

Phase II: Determinations

(Strict, Limited, and Order‑Based)

Phase II occurs only when agreement cannot be reached and only where the Parenting Coordinator is expressly authorized by a court order or parenting coordination agreement.

This phase is procedural and strict. It is distinct from the coaching and consensus‑focused work that occurs in Phase I.

Step One: Structured Facilitation (Where Appropriate)

Before making a determination, the Parenting Coordinator may assist the parents in attempting to resolve the issue through structured, child‑focused proposals, limited to what is required to implement the existing parenting order or agreement.

This step is not negotiation of new arrangements and does not revisit past decisions. Its purpose is to determine whether agreement is possible within the existing structure.

Further reading: Mediation v. Parenting Coordination, and Neutrality v. Impartiality Ethical Differences in PC Work

Step Two: Determination

If the issue remains unresolved, the Parenting Coordinator may make a determination, strictly within the authority granted by the appointing order or agreement.

The determination process typically includes:

• written submissions from each parent,

• defined timelines, and

• a focused review limited to the implementation issue in dispute.

Determinations:

• implement pre‑existing parenting arrangements,

• resolve discrete, day‑to‑day issues,

• and apply decision‑making in the best interests of the child only as required to give effect to the existing order.

A determination may be filed with the court and, once filed, is enforceable as a court order. The Parenting Coordinator does not enforce determinations.

Procedural Safeguard

Where an issue has been raised repeatedly without resolution, the determination process ensures that parenting matters do not remain indefinitely stalled. This is a process safeguard, not a behavioural sanction.

Why This Process Works

Parenting Coordination does not rely on persuasion, goodwill, or repeated litigation. It relies on:

• structured process,

• clear boundaries,

• and defined decision‑making authority.

When parents are able to change voluntarily, coaching and facilitation support that change. When agreement is not possible, limited determinations provide clarity without reopening.

Ready to Move Forward?

Contact us today to explore the PC process. We serve families across BC — virtual and in‑person services available in Kelowna, Kamloops, Vancouver, Victoria, and Prince George.

Some Further Essential Reading (from our Blog)

How Triangulation Harms Children and How to Stop It

How the PC Process Manages Conflict

The Science of What Children Need: ACEs

How Conflict Harms Children and How to Stop It

Understanding the Brain Science of Conflict

Habits that Escalate Conflict

How to Counter Triangulation

The PC Process:

Five Pillars of PC Work

Essential PC Boundaries

Is a PC a Waste of Money?

PCs Stay Out of Court

When PC Agreements are Ignored

Front porch and inside steps of a house burning SS

**Parenting coordination is a non‑therapeutic, non‑legal dispute resolution process focused on assisting parents in implementing parenting arrangements and reducing ongoing conflict. All services are as permitted under he appointing order and agreements. When acting as a PC, I do not provide legal representation or legal advice to either party. Parenting coordination is not mediation, counselling, or legal advocacy, and outcomes depend on many factors outside the control of the parenting coordinator.

Our Five Pillars

We guide parents using a clear, skill‑building framework beginning with strategies to stay calm to enable flexible decisions that align with your child's best interests.