Tips for Successful Parenting Time Trades

Navigating changes to the parenting schedule can be a challenge, but clear and consistent communication is key. When an unexpected event comes up and a trade of parenting time is needed, following a simple and effective process can help ensure things go smoothly for everyone, especially your child.

The BIFF Method
 

When proposing a trade, use the BIFF method to keep your request clear and respectful:

• Brief: Get straight to the point.
• Informative: Provide the necessary details about the event.
• Friendly: Keep a positive and cooperative tone.
• Firm: Stay focused on the request without getting sidetracked by past issues.
   
  Making a Parenting Time Trade Proposal
  

1. Start with the "Why." Briefly and simply state the reason for the trade. This helps your co-parent understand the context.Example: "Our child has been invited to a family wedding on Saturday from noon until 11 PM."
   
2. Make a clear proposal. Suggest a specific trade of parenting time. A good trade offers a similar type of day. Don't propose trading a regular weekend for a major holiday like Christmas or Thanksgiving. Example: "I believe it's in our child's best interest to attend the wedding, and she'll be upset if she misses it. Would you agree to trading your weekend either before or after so she can attend this important event?"
3. Explain the benefit to the child. Frame the request around the child's best interest, not your own convenience. Example: "This is an important event for her to attend and will be a special memory for her."

Important Rules for Trading
 

• Trades are binding. Once a trade is agreed upon, it becomes the new schedule. It takes the place of the original court order or agreement.
• No "tradebacks." You cannot simply demand to revert to the original schedule after a trade has been made. If the event is canceled, you must make a new proposal to trade back the days. This new proposal must also be based on the child's best interest.
• Record the agreement. Make sure the agreed-upon trade is recorded in writing, such as in an email, text message, or co-parenting app. This prevents future misunderstandings and serves as a record of the change.
• Disclose contingencies. If your trade proposal is dependent on something else happening, you must disclose that upfront. For example, "I can trade weekends, but only if my work schedule allows it."
• Be flexible. Your co-parent may not agree to your proposed trade date but might suggest a different one. Be open to a counter-proposal that also works for you.