When Cooperation Stops: How the Parenting Coordination Process Manages High Conflict
Parenting coordination (PC) is an intervention designed specifically for co-parents who face chronic, high-level conflict, often after years of struggle with communication, litigation, and emotional stress.
For the vast majority of parents, the goal of PC is to provide education, mediation, and tools for better co-parenting. However, a small subset of cases involve a persistent pattern of behavior that actively works against the PC process. This behavior—characterized by manipulation, refusal to comply with court orders, and the creation of chaos—can quickly undermine the stability the children desperately need.
If you are entering the PC process, it is important to understand the professional and structured approach we use to manage these dynamics. Our focus cannot continually rely on managing parental emotions, but on enforcing a clear, predictable, and child-centered process.
The PC’s Stance: No Chaos, No Victim Narratives, Just Compliance
We recognize and address specific high-conflict tactics not as personal attacks, but as predictable strategies to avoid accountability and obstruct the process. Our approach is to neutralize these strategies by using clear, documented, and enforceable procedures.
1. On Avoiding Responsibility and Creating Chaos
High-conflict dynamics often involve constant blame, refusal to acknowledge one's own role in the conflict, and a pattern of behavior that increases conflict and expense.
The PC’s Strategy: Action Over Emotion. We will not debate blame, past history, or emotional interpretations of events. The PC’s response aims to provide the practical solution required. If a co-parent fails to take action (e.g., misses an exchange, fails to provide information), the PC will issue a directive that focuses on the immediate path forward and the consequences of future non-compliance.
Cost Control: The quickest way to reduce the cost of parenting coordination is to adhere to deadlines and communication rules. Engaging in back-and-forth arguments only increases fees.
2. On Resisting the Process and Refusing to Communicate
The PC process requires active participation. Tactics like refusing to sign consensus agreements, cancelling meetings, or flooding the inbox with unmanageable emails are forms of process resistance.
The PC’s Strategy: Enforcing the Structure. From the very first meeting, the PC process outlined in the contract is mandatory. If a client refuses necessary agreements, a determination will result.
The Communication Agreement: We strictly enforce communication protocols. Emails and messages must be concise, relevant to a specific decision, and respectful. Communication that is abusive, repetitive, or exceed reasonable length will be read but not responded to by the PC, though billing for review time will apply. This is done to ensure the process focuses on decisions, not endless conflict.
The Deadline Policy: Failure to respond to communication from the PC by a set deadline (typically 24-48 hours) may result in the PC proceeding to make a directive without your input. Non-participation will not halt the process.
3. On Accusations and Undermining the PC’s Authority
High-conflict parents often employ a strategy of flipping the narrative, always playing the victim, and attempting to destabilize the process by attacking the neutral professional with accusations of bias, favoritism, or lack of neutrality.
The PC’s Strategy: Documentation and Redirection. We avoid engaging in self-defense. Any accusations will be met by a redirection to the established facts, the court order, or the last written directive.
The Best Interest Standard: Every recommendation and decision is grounded solely in the legal standard of the child’s best interest. This standard is objective and serves as the firewall against emotional or manipulative arguments. Parental preferences, feelings of unfairness, or individual demands are secondary to the child’s need for stability and safety.
Paper Trail is Paramount: We maintain an exhaustive, objective record of all communication and actions. If a client misrepresents a fact or conversation, we simply provide the original documentation to establish reality.
A Commitment to Consistency
For children in high-conflict families, one of the greatest sources of distress is unpredictability. The Parenting Coordinator's commitment is to be firmly predictable.
We will not be manipulated. We will not engage in arguments that derail the process. We will follow through on consequences. By implementing a consistent, structured, and fact-based approach, the PC creates an environment where the disruptive behaviors cease to be effective. This structure is the most powerful tool we have to reduce conflict and finally give the child the peace and stability they deserve.