The Safe Harbor: Why Your Child's Therapy Requires a "United Front"

In the storm of a high-conflict separation, it is natural for parents to feel a deep sense of insecurity. You may live in fear of criticism—from your co-parent, the courts, or even your child’s therapist. You might worry that a counselor is "grading" your parenting or preparing to pick a side in your dispute.

As your Parenting Coordinator, my role is to help you move past these insecurities by developing an automatic habit. This is the habit of using Section 37 of the Family Law Act as the sole compass for every decision you make.

When it comes to therapy, there is only one way to parent: by putting the child's best interests first, as defined by the law. By focusing on the process rather than the conflict, we create a stable environment where your child can heal.

1. Section 37: Your Only Compass
Under the Family Law Act, the sole consideration in determining the best interests of a child is the child's health and safety. This includes their emotional well-being and their fundamental need for stability.

The Clinical Reality: Professional child counselors are not there to "grade" you. Their expertise is in child development, not parent shaming. They are looking to see how the child is navigating their world, not looking for a "better" parent.

The Biological Necessity: A fundamental pillar of Parenting Coordination is the biological and emotional necessity of both parents. A counselor’s goal is to protect the child’s right to love both of you. When you focus solely on Section 37 factors, you realize the counselor is an ally to the child’s development, not a judge of the adult's past.

2. Why Unilateral Decisions Breach the Harbor
For a child to heal, therapy must be a Safe Harbor—a space entirely removed from the parental battlefield. When a parent secretly hires a therapist or changes counselors without consent, they are often acting out of insecurity rather than the Section 37 factors. This breach of transparency creates a "loyalty bind" that is objectively harmful to a child.

• Transparency is Safety: If a child must keep their therapy a secret from one parent, or if they feel Parent B is "against" the counselor, their anxiety increases. Stability and transparency are core requirements for a child to feel safe.
• The Therapist’s Ethics: Ethical counselors avoid "splitting" (working with only one side of the family) because they know it compromises the child’s progress. A counselor must be free from the fear of being used as a weapon in litigation. They must never be forced to "pick" between parents, as a child has a core need to thrive in both homes.
  

3. Training the Automatic Habit
The goal of Parenting Coordination is to help you develop the habit of child-centered parenting until it becomes second nature. This means staying out of the counselor's way so they can focus on the child’s internal growth:

• Emotional Regulation: Teaching the child how to manage big emotions without being overwhelmed.
• Resiliency: Helping the child learn that they can survive and thrive through family transitions.
• Reframing the Problem: Frequently, parents treat the child as the "problem" to be fixed.

However, Section 37 reminds us that a child’s distress is often a symptom of parental conflict. By following the PC process and lowering the "noise," you allow the child to focus on their own resiliency rather than your dispute.

4. Protecting the Sacred Space
To stay compliant with the Best Interests of the Child, therapy must remain a space where the child is shielded from adult stressors.

Don't Interrogate: Avoid asking the child what they said in session. Let the harbor remain private and safe.
Don't Recruit: Do not try to win the therapist over to your "side." The moment a therapist feels like a potential witness, they can no longer effectively be a healer.
Support the Process: My goal is to support your best efforts to follow these guidelines. There is only one way to parent successfully in this process: by adhering to the legal factors of Section 37 and the professional guidelines of our agreement.
The Bottom Line: Consistency is the Cure
Every parent wants the best for their child, but "the best" is not a matter of personal opinion—it is a matter of law and habit. In the PC process, we define success through stability and predictability. When communication is professional and decisions are made transparently through the lens of Section 37, the child's world stops shaking.