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Some time ago, I was asked a generic question &nbsp;about my practice philosophy when one parent is Indigenous and the other is not. Conflict can arise when one parent wants their children to grow up immersed in their people’s teachings, culture, and spirituality and the other parent disagrees. As a non-Indigenous PC, this article explains how I would approach this type of a family situation.Parenting coordination always begins from the reality of the child, not what parents wish it to be. When a child is Indigenous, that is a fact and not a parental preference. It is a core part of who the child is. Section 41(e) of BC's Family Law Act (FLA) makes it a parental responsibility to make "decisions respecting the child's cultural, linguistic, religious and spiritual upbringing and heritage, including, if the child is an Indigenous child, the child's Indigenous identity." Making decisions respecting the child's culture, spirituality and Indigenous identity is the law, and is not optional.Under Section 37, the only consideration for decision makers to use is the "best interests of the child". When we define "best interests" for an Indigenous child, cultural identity is not secondary. It is foundational to emotional security, belonging, and psychological wellbeing.&nbsp;Federal legislation such as An Act Respecting First Nations, Inuit and Métis Children, Youth and Families and BC's Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples Act affirm:• A child’s right to know, learn, and practice their culture;• The importance of maintaining connection to Indigenous community; and• Recognition that cultural continuity strengthens children and families.These laws reflect what Indigenous communities have always known, that children thrive on cultural connection.Developmental research consistently shows that Indigenous youth who have strong connections to their culture, language, Elders, and community demonstrate:• Higher self esteem;• Stronger identity development;• Greater resilience in the face of discrimination;• Improved mental wellness outcomes; and• A stronger sense of purpose and belonging.A child’s identity is integrated, not divided between parents. When a child is supported in all aspects of who they are, they are better able to develop internal coherence and confidence. True stability is not just a routine and schedule; it comes from knowing where you come from and feeling proud of it.Section 37 also requires, amongst other factors, that we consider the child’s views (if appropriate). When Indigenous children express pride in drumming, joy in ceremony, or connection to Elders, for example, those experiences are not extracurricular activities. They are expressions of identity. Supporting those connections reinforces self confidence and emotional security.In BC, decisions regarding schooling, extracurriculars, or travel are viewed through the lens of maintaining the child's ties to their Nation. Courts have ruled that severing or neglecting an Indigenous child’s connection to their culture is a recognized form of harm.<h2>My approach is not about choosing one parent’s position over the other. It is about centering the child’s full identity.</h2>Parenting plans must respect and uphold the child’s Indigenous identity as a legal and human right. Both parents are encouraged to view cultural participation not as division, but as enrichment that benefits the child’s overall development. We build practical, respectful plans that allow the child to walk confidently in both worlds, strengthened by cultural grounding. Supporting a child’s Indigenous heritage does not diminish the other parent. It strengthens the child.The goal is not to manage conflict between adults. It is to create conditions in which the child grows up secure, proud, and connected. Cultural ties are not a risk factor to manage. They are a strength to nurture.<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I have learned that being the 'right fit' for a family means being the right advocate for the child. When I speak about the Family Law Act and the non-negotiable nature of a child’s Indigenous heritage, it can create discomfort. But as a professional, I cannot treat a child’s identity as a 'lifestyle choice' to be mediated. My role is to manage the conflict between adults without diluting the truth of the child. If the heritage is treated as a bargaining chip, the process is already broken. ________________________________________________________ My approach to parenting coordination with Indigenous Peoples is grounded in the law, but it has also been deeply shaped by the wisdom of my lifelong friend, Dr. Rosalin Miles. Rosalin helped me articulate why cultural grounding is not a 'parenting style,' but a fundamental right. I am grateful for her edits and her enduring guidance on what it means to truly center an Indigenous child’s identity.

Navigating Indigenous Heritage in Parenting Coordination

In the world of co-parenting, life doesn’t always stand still. Whether it’s a military deployment to a conflict zone, a mandatory career training session, or a stay at a treatment center for health and wellness, parents often find themselves facing a difficult reality: having to leave their children in the primary care of the other parent for an extended period.While the parent is working toward a better future for the family, the immediate reality for the child is one of absence. Under Section 37 of the BC Family Law Act, the "best interests of the child" is the only consideration. A huge part of that interest is emotional stability and the mitigation of "grief and despair" that children feel when separated from a primary attachment figure.The Psychology of the Gap To a child, a parent’s absence isn’t just a scheduling change; it’s an emotional disruption. Without proper support, this can lead to Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), which research shows can have long-term impacts on mental and physical health.&nbsp;The goal of Parenting Coordination is to bridge this gap, ensuring the child feels reassured rather than abandoned. We want to transform a traumatic separation into a manageable transition. There are many things both parents can do to spare their children from unnecessary distress from long separations.&nbsp;Strategies for Stability: The PC's Toolkit To protect your child’s long-term mental health, we recommend implementing a "Connection Plan." Here is how you can maintain your presence, even from a distance:1. The Power of "Concrete" RemindersChildren, especially younger ones, are tactile. They need physical items to ground them such as:<ul><li>Security Objects: Encourage the child to keep a "daddy/mommy blanket" or a specific stuffed animal that stays with them.</li><li>The "Hug Shirt": A t-shirt that smells like the departing parent can provide immense sensory comfort during bedtime.</li><li>Voice-Recorded Books: If you are away, your child can still hear your voice reading their favorite bedtime story via recordable books.</li></ul>2. Visual PredictabilityAnxiety often stems from not knowing when the separation will end.<ul><li><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Use a physical wall calendar where the child can cross off days. This turns an abstract "long time" into a visible journey toward a reunion. </li><li><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Place photos of both parents in the child’s room at both homes to signal that the "missing" parent is still a constant part of their world.</li></ul>3. Structured Communication <ul><li>Inconsistency breeds anxiety. Reliability builds security. Whether it’s a 7:00 PM FaceTime or a Saturday morning video call, keep it sacred.</li><li>For older children, a basic "brick" phone, iPad or a monitored messaging device allows them to send a quick "I love you" text without needing to go through the other parent, fostering a sense of direct access.</li></ul>4. Professional SupportA neutral therapist can provide a safe space for a child to express their grief and despair. Sometimes these are feelings they struggle to name or might be afraid to show their parents for fear of hurting them.&nbsp;A PC can help parents navigate the logistics of these transitions, ensuring that the "home-base" parent is supported and the "away" parent remains informed. &nbsp; A Message of Reassurance Separation and divorce are painful for adults, but for children, the trauma is often rooted in the fear of losing a connection. By being proactive and using these tools, you are telling your child: "I am not leaving you; I am simply in a different place right now, and you are still the center of my world."By prioritizing stability today, you are protecting their mental health for a lifetime.

When Duty Calls: Maintaining Connection During Temporary Relocation

Female and male kids in vintage clothes posing at camera against pink background

How does parenting coordination assist your family with children's gender identity issues?A child expressing gender dysphoria or a desire to transition creates a sensitive and challenging journey for a family to navigate. As your PC, I approach this with an unwavering focus on the reality of the child's experience and their right to be safe.Parents never want suffering for their child. Often, they react out of fear or a desire to protect the version of the child they have always known. Regardless of personal feelings, parenting coordination is grounded in the reality of what is, rather than a parent’s wish for what was.The Legal and Ethical Framework in BC The framework in BC mandates that we approach this situation in a manner consistent with the Human Rights Code, which prohibits discrimination based on gender identity or expression. To support this, the BC Ministry of Education utilizes SOGI 123 standards to ensure all students feel safe and included.Under Section 37 of the Family Law Act (FLA), all decisions must be made with the best interests of the child as the only consideration. To determine this, we must consider:<ul><li>S. 37(2)(a): The child's health and emotional well-being.</li><li>S. 37(2)(b): The child's views (unless inappropriate to consider).</li><li>S. 37(2)(e): The child's need for stability, given the child's age and stage of development.</li><li>S. 37(2)(g): The impact of any family violence (including psychological harm) on the child's safety, security, or well-being. </li></ul>Parenting coordination does not debate religious philosophies or personal beliefs. Instead, we focus on clinical and legal standards that prioritize the child’s immediate safety. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">While parenting coordination adheres to legal frameworks, it is also a practice rooted in a profound respect for the human spirit. I believe that every child is born with an inherent right to joy and that no child is 'intended' to live in a state of suffering or shame. My approach is guided by the conviction that our highest calling as adults—and as professionals—is to stand as a shield between a child and the harm of the world.<h2>In a world where bullying and isolation are real threats to gender-diverse youth, the home must be a sanctuary. My role is to ensure that the transition process is not a source of further trauma, but a path toward a life where the child is fully seen, safely held, and allowed to thrive without fear.</h2>&nbsp;ACEs and the "Identity Whiplash" Effect Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) research concludes that chronic instability and a lack of belonging are primary drivers of long-term traumas.Research from the Family Acceptance Project and Pediatrics (2016) shows that when gender-diverse youth are supported by their primary caregivers, the risk of mental health tragedies drops from 5.9-8.4 times higher, to the same rates as their cisgender peers.What is Identity Whiplash? If one parent affirms the child’s identity and the other does not, the child is placed in a state of "Identity Whiplash."This is a high-conflict environment that becomes a secondary ACE.Under Section 37(2)(e), a child requires stability. Forcing a child to toggle their name, pronouns, or clothing between houses creates profound psychological instability. Instead of focusing on development, the child stays in survival mode, constantly monitoring their behavior to avoid conflict between parents. &nbsp; How PCs Assist: Bridging the Gap Between Law and Family Life In BC, the courts have been clear about a child’s right to self-identify. In the landmark case A.B. v. C.D., 2020 BCCA 11, the BC Court of Appeal confirmed that a "mature minor" has the right to consent to gender-affirming medical treatment. The court also found that a parent's refusal to acknowledge a child's identity, and attempts to block their transition, could be considered a form of family violence due to the psychological harm it causes.As your PC, I use this legal clarity to move the family forward:<ul><li>Standardizing Communication: We move away from debating the child’s identity. The law and clinical standards already establish the path; the PC's job is to ensure both parents follow that professional guidance.</li><li>Applying the Infants Act: If a child is deemed a "mature minor" by their healthcare providers, their consent to transition is legally valid. I help parents understand that their role is to support the child through this medical reality, rather than attempting to veto it.</li><li>Facilitating Professional Consultations: Under Section 40(2) of the FLA, guardians must consult on healthcare. I facilitate meetings with gender-affirming specialists to ensure decisions are based on the medical evidence established in cases like A.B. v. C.D., not parental conflict.</li><li>Consistency Across Households: I work to ensure the child experiences the same name and pronouns in both homes. This eliminates "identity whiplash" and fulfills the legal requirement for stability under Section 37(2)(e).</li></ul>Glossary: Understanding the Language We use these terms to stay aligned with medical and educational professionals:<ul><li>Gender Identity: A person’s internal, deeply felt sense of being male, female, a blend of both, or neither. This is different from the sex assigned at birth.</li><li>Gender Expression: How a person presents their gender to the world through clothing, hair, voice, and behavior.</li><li>Cisgender: A person whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth.</li><li>Transgender: An umbrella term for people whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.</li><li>Non-Binary: A person whose gender identity does not fit strictly into the categories of "male" or "female."</li><li>Gender Dysphoria: The significant distress or discomfort that can occur when a person’s identity does not align with their physical body or assigned sex. This is a clinical term used to determine support and care.</li><li>Social Transition: Non-medical steps a child takes to live as their self-identified gender (e.g., changing name, pronouns, and appearance).</li><li>Gender-Affirming Care: A patient-centered approach to healthcare that supports and affirms a person’s gender identity.</li><li>Affirmation: The act of validating a child's stated identity. Research shows parental affirmation is a primary "protective factor" against mental health risks. </li></ul>Why the Language Matters Using a child’s preferred name and pronouns is not just a preference—it is a recognized tool for reducing toxic stress. By providing consistency, we satisfy the legal requirement for stability (Section 37(2)(e)) and create a soft landing for a child navigating a complex world.

Gender Identity in Parenting Coordination

As a Parenting Coordinator, I often deal with complex logistics, but the most heartbreaking conversations revolve around a child’s safety and mental well-being. Perhaps the most volatile "perfect storm" a child can face is being caught between a high-conflict divorce at home and a bully at school.When a child is being targeted by peers, they need their home to be a sanctuary. If that sanctuary is instead a battlefield of parental litigation and tension, the child has nowhere to feel safe.&nbsp;The Weight of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Studies on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) show a direct correlation between childhood trauma and long-term health outcomes. High-conflict divorce and peer victimization (bullying) are significant stressors that can alter a child’s brain development.The Science of Stress Constant conflict keeps a child in a state of "toxic stress," where their nervous system is perpetually stuck in "fight or flight" mode. A child can often handle one major stressor if they have a stable support system. However, when the home is unstable due to co-parenting warfare, their resilience is eroded, making the impact of a school bully far more damaging.In a high-conflict separation, parents are often so consumed by their legal or emotional battle that they may miss the subtle signs of a child’s suffering. A child may feel they cannot "burden" a parent with their bullying problems because that parent is already stressed about the divorce.If parents cannot communicate, they cannot coordinate a unified front with the school. One parent might minimize the bullying to spite the other, or they may disagree so fundamentally on the solution that no action is taken at all. This isolation is where mental health tragedies begin. When a child feels unheard at school and unseen at home, hopelessness sets in.&nbsp;How Parenting Coordination Provides a Safety Net Parenting Coordination is specifically designed to step into this gap. Our goal is to stop the adult conflict from interfering with the child's urgent need for protection.1. Creating a Unified Front I work with parents to set aside their grievances and focus on the school's response. We ensure that emails to the principal are consistent, that the "safety plan" is followed in both households, and that the child receives a singular, supportive message from both mom and dad.2. Neutral Information Gathering In high-conflict cases, one parent often accuses the other of "exaggerating" the bullying. As your PC, I can speak directly to the child, teachers or school counsellors to get the facts, removing the "he-said, she-said" dynamic and focusing on the reality of the child's experience.3. Professional Referrals If the bullying has led to anxiety, depression, or school refusal, I assist parents in accessing child therapists or trauma-informed counsellors. Under Section 40(2) of the Family Law Act, I ensure these essential health decisions are made through proper consultation, rather than being blocked by a stalemate.4. Acting as the "Buffer" By serving as an arbitrator, I can make immediate decisions regarding school changes or therapeutic interventions if the parents are paralyzed by disagreement. This ensures the child isn't left in a dangerous environment while the parents argue.Preventing the Tragedy The goal of Parenting Coordination is to restore the "sanctuary" of the home. By reducing the conflict between parents, we free up the child’s emotional energy to heal from the bullying they face outside.We cannot always control the bullies at school, but through parenting coordination, we can control the support the child receives at home.

The Perfect Storm: When School Bullying Meets High-Conflict Divorce

In the world of co-parenting, few topics spark as much tension as a child’s mental health and development. It is incredibly common for one parent to observe a child struggling with focus or impulsivity, while the other sees a child who is simply energetic or "just being a kid."When parents sit on opposite sides of a potential ADHD diagnosis, the child is often left in the middle without the support they need. As a Parenting Coordinator (PC), my role is to bridge that gap, ensuring that the "best interests of the child" remain the primary focus while reducing the conflict between parents.&nbsp;The Challenge: Two Different Perspectives Under Section 40(2) of the Family Law Act, parents with joint responsibility must consult one another on significant decisions, including medical and educational choices. However, when views diverge, the process can stall.Parent A might see a child who is "remarkably successful" at home and doesn't want to "label" them or consider medication. Parent B might see a child who is struggling with social cues, failing to finish schoolwork, or suffering from low self-esteem due to undiagnosed challenges. The Solution: Turning to Neutral Professionals To move past a "he-said, she-said" stalemate, we look to the neutral professionals who see your child in a structured, peer-based environment: teachers and daycare providers.The diagnostic process typically involves:<ul><li>Standardized Questionnaires: Both parents and teachers complete forms (such as the Vanderbilt or Conners scales).</li><li>Neutral Observations: Teachers provide data-driven feedback on how the child compares to their developmental peers. </li><li>The Medical Team: A family doctor or pediatrician reviews these objective reports to determine if a referral or trial is necessary.</li></ul>Navigating the BC Healthcare Reality In British Columbia, waitlists for developmental pediatricians can unfortunately span one to two years. This delay can be detrimental to a child’s academic and social progress.<ul><li>It is important to know that Family Doctors can often initiate ADHD medication trials themselves. If the questionnaires from both parents and teachers show a clear pattern, a GP can oversee a trial to see if the child benefits. This provides immediate data and relief while the family waits for a specialist appointment.</li></ul>How Parenting Coordination Minimizes Conflict A Parenting Coordinator acts as a steady hand during this emotional process. While I am not a therapist or a behavioral analyst, I serve several vital roles:<ul><li>Communication Coach: I help parents discuss medical concerns without it devolving into an argument.</li><li>Process Overseer: I ensure that both parents have their voices heard by the medical team and that information is shared transparently.</li><li>Fact-Finder: I help gather the neutral reports from schools to ensure decisions are based on evidence, not just opinion.</li><li>Arbitrator: If parents simply cannot agree on a path forward (such as whether to proceed with a psychoeducational assessment), I can make a binding decision to ensure the child isn't stuck in limbo. &nbsp; The Goal: A Child Who Thrives ADHD is a common condition that requires immense skill and patience in parenting. Whether the solution is environmental changes, behavioral therapy, or medication, the goal is to give your child the tools they need to succeed.</li></ul>If you and your co-parent are struggling to agree on your child’s needs, let’s explore the solutions together. My job is to ensure that the conflict stays between the adults, while the child receives the care they deserve.

When Parents Disagree: Navigating ADHD, Assessments, and the Path Forward

As parents, we’ve all heard it: "I don't want to go!" Sometimes it’s just a mood, but for many families I work with, this resistance is a constant hurdle—even for vital activities like school or life-saving skills like swimming.When your child refuses to participate, it’s natural to feel stuck. You might find yourself wondering: Is this just shyness? Is it a sensory issue? Could my child be on the autism spectrum or have other neurodivergent traits?Whatever the root cause, our role as parents remains the same: to ensure our children build the social and physical skills they need to thrive.Lessons from My Own Living Room I’m a mother of four, and I’ve been in the trenches. One of my children is a true introvert—someone who has always found new environments and groups incredibly overwhelming.I knew swimming wasn't optional; it’s a safety requirement. However, the traditional crowded community center pool was a "no-go" for my child's temperament. Here is how we adapted:<ul><li>Changed the environment: We moved lessons to a neighbor’s backyard pool.</li><li>Modified the social dynamic: We hired a private instructor for just my child and a few close friends or siblings.</li></ul>Yes, it cost more. But the "buy-in" we got from creating a safe, familiar space was worth every penny. It turned a source of anxiety into a source of mastery.Identifying the "Why" Before we can fix the behavior, we have to understand the cause. It is our responsibility to investigate what is happening under the surface:<ul><li>Sensory Overload: Is the environment too loud, too bright, or too crowded?</li><li>Social Stress: Is there a bully or a personality clash with an instructor?</li><li>Temperament: Is your child simply slower to "warm up" to new situations? </li></ul>If you are struggling to find this "why" or can't get your child to engage in necessary activities, don't feel you have to do it alone. Behavioral analysts or interventionists are the professionals trained to guide us through these parenting roadblocks. They can provide the specific strategies needed to turn resistance into participation.&nbsp;The Role of Co-Parenting and Coordination In a co-parenting dynamic, these struggles can sometimes lead to conflict between households. One parent might feel the activity is essential, while the other feels the child shouldn't be "forced."Our ultimate goal is to ensure the child is actually benefiting from the activity.If you have tried to "change the room" (modifying the environment), discussed it thoroughly with your co-parent, and still find your child is not benefiting or attending, it’s time to reach out. As your Parenting Coordinator, I am here to help you and your co-parent navigate these disagreements. Together, we can explore creative solutions that honor your child’s unique needs while ensuring they don't miss out on essential life skills.

Cori L. McGuire Parenting Coordinator

Blog

Navigating Indigenous Heritage in Parenting Coordination

When Duty Calls: Maintaining Connection During Temporary ...

Gender Identity in Parenting Coordination

The Perfect Storm: When School Bullying Meets High-Confli...

When Parents Disagree: Navigating ADHD, Assessments, and ...

When "I Don't Want To" Becomes a Barrier: Navigating Resi...