A structured approach to resolving family disputes
Virtual Family Law Mediation
Separation creates decisions about children, homes, money and the future at precisely the time when communication may be most difficult. Mediation provides a way to make those decisions without asking a judge to make them for you. My approach is based on a simple principle: people do not need to communicate perfectly to make good decisions, but they do need a process that allows them to participate meaningfully, with sufficient information and appropriate safeguards. For more difficult family disputes, that structure becomes especially important.
When conflict is high, process matters
High conflict requires more from mediation than simply bringing two people together and encouraging them to talk. It requires careful attention to suitability, power, safety, the format of the negotiation and the way issues are identified and contained.
Before mediation begins, I meet separately with each participant and screen for family violence, safety concerns and power imbalance. That information helps determine whether mediation is appropriate and, where it is, how the process should be designed so each participant has a meaningful opportunity to negotiate.
Sometimes that means meeting together. Sometimes it means separate virtual rooms, shuttle mediation or greater involvement of independent lawyers. Sometimes the appropriate conclusion is that mediation should not proceed.
Mediation can change shape
Virtual mediation provides flexibility in designing an appropriate process. Participants may meet together by videoconference, remain in separate virtual rooms while I move between them, or use another form of shuttle mediation where appropriate.
Lawyers or other professionals can participate where their involvement would assist. The format can also change during mediation if circumstances change or the original approach is not working as intended.
Process design is not about forcing a family into a particular mediation model. It is about creating conditions in which informed and voluntary negotiation is realistically possible.
An agreement has to work after mediation ends
A settlement should do more than end the mediation. Proposals can be tested against the law, the available information, practical realities and, where children are involved, their needs and best interests.
In higher-conflict families, another question becomes particularly important: does the proposed arrangement depend upon a level of cooperation that this family may not realistically be able to maintain?
The question is not simply whether everyone can agree today. It is whether the resulting agreement is sufficiently clear and practical to continue working six months or two years from now.
Start with suitability
If you are considering family mediation, the first question does not have to be whether you and your former partner can sit in a room together and agree.
The first question is whether mediation is appropriate and, if it is, what kind of mediation process gives both of you a fair opportunity to make informed decisions.
The process should remain proportionate
Cost is part of good process design. The amount of mediation time and professional involvement should bear a reasonable relationship to the importance, complexity and value of the issues being resolved.
Sometimes additional information, professional advice or another mediation session is worth the expense. Sometimes the proportionate approach is to resolve what can reasonably be resolved, identify what remains outstanding, and stop spending mediation resources on an issue that is not moving.
Why virtual mediation?
Virtual mediation removes travel and allows participants, lawyers and other professionals to participate from different locations. More importantly in difficult family cases, it provides additional process-design options because participants can meet jointly, separately or move between formats without occupying the same physical space.
Practical answers. No assumptions.
Family Mediation FAQs
Every family is different, and mediation does not have to follow a single model. These are some of the questions people ask about safety, high conflict, virtual mediation and how a structured mediation process can work.
Can mediation work if we are in high conflict?
Sometimes. High conflict does not automatically make mediation inappropriate, but it often means the process needs considerably more structure than simply putting two people together and asking them to negotiate.
I begin by assessing whether mediation is appropriate and how the process should be designed. Where appropriate, that may include separate virtual rooms, shuttle mediation, involvement of lawyers, defined issues and a tightly managed negotiation process that keeps one disagreement from expanding into five more.
The objective is not to make you communicate perfectly or agree about the past. It is to create a process in which you can make informed, voluntary and workable decisions about what happens next.
Do we have to be in the same virtual room?
No. Mediation can occur together, separately, or through a combination of both approaches.
In some cases, direct discussion is useful and productive. In others, separate breakout rooms or shuttle mediation allow each person to consider proposals and negotiate without the emotional pressure of direct interaction, and the format can change during the mediation if circumstances warrant it.
The mediation process should be designed around the needs of the family, rather than requiring the family to fit a predetermined mediation model.
Where is Cori L. McGuire Law Corporation located and can client be located anywhere in the world?
We are located at 106-460 Doyle Avenue, Kelowna, BC, Canada, offering convenient access to our services virtually and by telephone. We can also meet clients where they are located or use our offices.
What if there has been family violence or a significant power imbalance?
Family violence and power imbalance must be considered before mediation begins. I meet separately with participants and screen for safety concerns, family violence and factors that may affect either person's ability to negotiate freely and fairly.
The presence of conflict or an imbalance does not produce one automatic answer. Sometimes appropriate safeguards and changes to the process can permit mediation to proceed; in other circumstances, mediation should not proceed or should be stopped.
Reaching a settlement is never more important than the integrity and safety of the process.
What happens when every discussion turns into another argument?
This is where structure becomes particularly important. We define the issues requiring decisions, identify the information actually needed, and work through those issues deliberately. Relevant background can be considered without allowing every historical grievance or newly raised disagreement to take over the mediation.
If another legitimate issue emerges, it can be identified for later consideration rather than automatically derailing the issue already being addressed. Being heard matters, but mediation also has to move toward decisions.
Will you tell us what the law is and whether a proposal is realistic?
As a lawyer-mediator, I can provide neutral legal information and help both participants reality-test proposals within the framework of British Columbia family law. I do not act as the lawyer for either participant, and independent legal advice remains important where appropriate.
Reality-testing also goes beyond asking whether everyone can agree today. Particularly in parenting cases, I want to know whether an arrangement is sufficiently clear and practical to survive the next disagreement rather than depending upon a level of cooperation the family has not historically been able to maintain.
A successful agreement has to work after the mediation ends.
Is mediation actually less expensive than going to court?
It often can be, but mediation is not automatically inexpensive simply because it occurs outside court. Families experiencing high-conflict can spend substantial amounts of money in any process if issues continually expand, the same arguments are repeatedly revisited or professional time is being spent on matters disproportionate to what is at stake.
That is why cost is part of my process design. I have strict boundaries to keep the work focused on what actually requires resolution, use professional resources proportionately, resolve what can reasonably be resolved, and identify when continuing to mediate an issue is no longer productive.
The goal is not settlement at any cost. It is a fair, informed and proportionate process for resolving the issues that can be resolved.