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Woman hand making stop sign, saying no, protesting against abuse.

Parenting Coordination (PC) is often recommended for families trapped in persistent, high-level conflict. While PC is designed to be a flexible, cooperative process, sometimes a parent attempts to obstruct progress to gain a strategic advantage or avoid a difficult decision.If you are considering PC, or are currently engaged in the process, it’s vital to understand that the system is not fragile. The PC process is structured, authoritative, and backed by the court system to ensure the child’s well-being remains the focus.<h3>PC is Not Just Mediation: The Power of Determination</h3>A common misconception is that PC is simply high-level mediation. It is not. The key difference lies in the PC’s decision-making authority.<ul><li>Mediation: Requires 100% agreement from both parties to reach a conclusion.</li><li>Parenting Coordination: Requires good faith participation. When an agreement cannot be reached (or when one party actively obstructs the process), the PC has the authority, granted by your PC Contract or Court Order, to issue a Formal Determination. </li></ul>A Determination is a binding, written decision made by the PC to resolve the specific dispute at hand, whether it involves a holiday schedule, a health care issue, or procedural matters like payment.<h3>When Parents Choose to Obstruct the Process</h3>In high-conflict situations, one parent may try to derail the PC process by using a procedural or financial tactic. Common obstruction attempts include:<ul><li>Unilateral Termination: Attempting to fire the PC without the agreement of the other parent or a new court order.</li><li>Refusal to Engage: Ignoring communications, cancelling appointments, or failing to provide necessary information.</li><li>Financial Non-Compliance: Refusing to pay their share of the PC’s retainer or invoices, breaching the foundational contract. </li></ul>These actions are direct breaches of the court order or agreement that initiated the PC process. They are not pathways to evasion—they are pathways to enforcement.A PC cannot simply walk away when fees are unpaid or a party is uncooperative. The PC has an obligation to manage the process fairly and decisively.<h3>1. The PC Focuses on the Determination</h3>When a parent engages in financial non-compliance or persistent refusal to cooperate, the PC will generally shift focus from coaching and mediation to vigilant record keeping and determinations. This means:The PC will document the non-compliance (e.g., the unpaid balance, the refusal to attend). The PC will proceed to issue a Determination specifically addressing the breach.<h3>&nbsp;2. The Determination is Enforced by the Court</h3><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The primary purpose of issuing a Determination—even one about finances—is to ensure it can be enforced. A PC Determination is not automatically a court order, but it is designed to be filed and enforced. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The compliant parent can take the PC's written Determination and file it with the court. Once filed, the Determination is enforced as if it were an order of the court.This means that a tactic like withholding payment ultimately results in the non-compliant parent facing the court system—the very outcome they were often trying to avoid—to settle a debt, and potentially facing further sanctions.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">PC: A Strategic Investment, Not Endless Conflict<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The value of the PC process lies in its efficiency. While a parent’s attempt to stall the process by withholding $3,000 might temporarily save them money, it forces the compliant parent to spend money to advance the process. However, this is a strategic investment in swift resolution.By compelling the PC to issue a Determination, the compliant parent receives a binding, court-ready document that resolves the immediate dispute. Paying for this final decision is almost always more efficient and cost-effective than starting from scratch with a new application in court.The Parenting Coordination process is robust. Attempts to undermine or obstruct it simply accelerate the process towards a formal, enforceable conclusion, maintaining the focus where it belongs: on implementing the parenting plan and protecting the child’s best interests.Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. Cori has many other articles on the parenting coordination process including: <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-co-parent-obstructs-the-pc-process" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-co-parent-obstructs-the-pc-process">Obstruction of the PC Process</a>. Further reading by subject is found in our <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library">Resource Library</a>.© 2026 Cori McGuire. All Rights Reserved. Proprietary Workflow.

The PC Process Has Teeth: Understanding Enforcement and Determinations

As a Parenting Coordinator (PC), I see a common, frustrating pattern: parents locked in an endless cycle of email conflict over issues that have already been settled or are simply non-urgent. One parent refuses to take no for an answer (often re-raising a schedule change), and the other parent refuses to be silent (continuing to defend their 'no').The result? Hundreds of back-and-forth emails, thousands of dollars in PC fees, and a complete breakdown of the system designed to help them.<h3>What is the Emotional "Payoff" for the Conflict?</h3>When a parent violates a communication agreement—whether by asking the same question for the fifth time or by writing a lengthy email to "correct the record"—they are not thinking logically. They are reacting.<ul><li>The Need to Be Right: In the emotional aftermath of a separation, many parents feel a profound sense of injustice. They believe that if they just explain their point one more time, the other parent, the PC, or the Judge will finally see that they are the victim and the other parent is the problem.</li><li>The Adrenaline Rush: Conflict can become an addictive coping mechanism. The spike of anger and the rush of writing a defensive email provides a temporary (and unhealthy) feeling of control over a situation that feels completely out of control.</li><li>The Misguided Legal Strategy: Many believe that responding to every accusation or request is necessary to build a "strong legal record." This is a critical error. A Judge looking at two parents' emails who have violated a strict communication protocol does not see a reasonable parent defending themselves; they see two parents who are equally choosing to engage in high-conflict behavior. &nbsp;</li></ul><h3>The Reality Check: What the Court Sees &nbsp;</h3>When a communication agreement is violated, the court’s focus shifts from the original issue (e.g., the 2-2-3 schedule) to the parents' inability to follow the court-mandated process.<ul><li>Credibility is Lost: The parent who re-raises a settled issue is seen as harassing and non-compliant. The parent who chooses to respond is seen as equally non-compliant, emotionally reactive, and an active participant in perpetuating the conflict.</li><li>The Child's Best Interest is Undermined: A judge's ultimate mandate is the child's well-being.</li></ul>When parents cannot maintain a logical, calm, and brief co-parenting relationship—as modeled by the BIFF principles—they demonstrate that they are prioritizing their own emotional needs over the child’s need for peace and stability. This can result in:<ul><li>Financial Sanctions: Being ordered to pay the other party's wasted legal or PC fees. Note that fee shifting in the PC process results from court-made orders, not unilateral PC decisions.</li><li>Loss of Discretion: The court may institute a rigid Parallel Parenting plan, removing all joint decision-making authority to force the parents to completely disengage, which is the ultimate failure of co-parenting.</li></ul><h3>The Truth Your Child Deserves to Hear</h3>The constant cycle of conflict creates Toxic Stress—a documented health risk—for your child. Research into Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) shows that chronic exposure to family dysfunction, including high parental conflict, alters a child's brain development and puts them at a dramatically higher risk for a lifetime of health problems, from heart disease to depression.Your emotional email is not just a frustrating exchange; it is a threat to your child’s emotional and physical future.My instruction to every high-conflict client is now simpler than ever:If the issue is settled, the answer is silence. If you choose to engage, you are choosing conflict. Your PC will no longer mediate your back-and-forth. We will only document your non-compliance to ensure the court is aware of who is choosing peace, and who is choosing to fight. For the sake of your child’s health and future, choose silence. Choose peace.Written by <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/">Cori L. McGuire</a>, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. Cori has many other articles on the parenting coordination process including: <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/your-communication-agreement-as-a-coach--the-essential-tool" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/your-communication-agreement-as-a-coach--the-essential-tool">Your Communication Agreement as a Coach: The Essential Tool</a>. Further reading by subject is found in our <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library">Resource Library</a>.

The Unproductive Loop: Why High-Conflict Co-Parents Keep Fighting (and What Judges Will Notice)

The sniffles, the fever, the inevitable late-night vomiting—it's cold and flu season, and for parents of young children, it often means sleepless nights, missed workdays, and an unavoidable juggling act.In high-conflict co-parenting situations, however, a child's illness can sadly become more than a physical challenge; it can turn into a relationship crisis. Instead of uniting to care for their sick child, some parents fall back into old patterns, even going so far as to weaponize an illness to frustrate, control, or gatekeep the other parent.If your child is ill, your only job is to work together. Your child is already navigating being sick; they shouldn't also have to navigate a parental conflict over who's caring for them.When Illness Becomes a BattlegroundIt’s a tough truth, but illness is one of the most common reasons for a sudden, destructive "wobble" in a carefully crafted parenting plan. Here’s what destructive communication looks like during an illness—and what you must avoid:<ol><li>The Silent Treatment: A parent unilaterally decides the child is too sick for the exchange and only notifies the other parent an hour after the scheduled time, providing no updates or medical information.</li><li>The Rigid Demand: A parent is woken up at 3:00 AM because their child is vomiting. They finally fall asleep around 5:00 AM, only to receive an angry text at 8:01 AM (one minute after the exchange time) that reads: "WHERE ARE YOU? You're late. I'm taking this to the PC." No grace, no inquiry, just an accusation.</li><li>The Gatekeeper: A parent refuses an exchange, claiming the child has "walking pneumonia" based on a mild cough, and then refuses to provide any pediatrician notes or allow a brief phone call with the doctor. This is a clear attempt to monopolize the child's care and frustrate the other parent’s parenting time. </li></ol>This type of communication creates a high-stakes, devastating atmosphere for the child. It transforms a simple fever into an anxiety-fueled parenting time crisis.The Child’s Needs Come FirstThe reality is that childhood is filled with multiple illnesses. Parents will miss work. Exchange times will sometimes need to be flexible, especially if a long commute is involved. The only thing that matters is the well-being of your child.This is an opportunity to lean on your strengths as co-parents:<ul><li>Flexibility: Does one parent have a more flexible work schedule? Can they work from home to care for the sick child? Be open to adjusting the schedule temporarily, even if it means sacrificing a few of your hours.</li><li>Communication: Who has the child's temperature? What did the doctor say? Is the fever improving or worsening? Your communication must be timely, transparent, and factual.</li><li>Creative Solutions: If your child is too ill for the exchange, you need a plan for care that prioritizes comfort and recovery. &nbsp;It may require a later exchange time or that one parent assumes all care until the child is well enough for travel or the exchange.&nbsp; </li></ul>Utilizing Your Communication ProtocolsOne of the most essential functions of a Parenting Coordinator is to set up a clear communication protocol right at the outset of our work together.These protocols require you to provide transparent and timely notice of an illness, including facts like a temperature reading, doctor's diagnosis, and prognosis. This system is designed specifically to prevent the monopolizing of the illness as a method of gatekeeping or creating conflict.If you are struggling to make these very simple, logical arrangements yourselves, your Parenting Coordinator is ready to step in. We can quickly establish a binding, temporary care plan to prevent unnecessary, prolonged conflict and ensure your sick child gets the calm, focused care they deserve.This cold and flu season, remember: your child's fever is a call to teamwork, not a cue for conflict.&nbsp;Are you struggling to manage illness exchanges? Contact me today to establish clear, constructive communication protocols for your co-parenting plan.Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. Read &nbsp;<a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/when-words-hurt--swearing--emotional-modeling--and-your-child-s-sense-of-safety" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/when-words-hurt--swearing--emotional-modeling--and-your-child-s-sense-of-safety">Swear Words</a> or <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/why-sharing-your-location-with-your-co-parent-is-optimal--a-guide-to-respect-and-safety" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/why-sharing-your-location-with-your-co-parent-is-optimal--a-guide-to-respect-and-safety">Location Sharin</a>g &nbsp;and other articles about "the best interests of the child" in our <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">Resource Library</a>.

Cold & Flu Season: The Time for Co-Parenting Teamwork

<h3>Parenting Coordination: Structure When Conflict Has Taken Over</h3>Parenting coordination (PC) is a specialized intervention designed for families experiencing ongoing, high-level conflict—often after years of strained communication, repeated litigation, and significant emotional exhaustion.For most parents, the PC process is collaborative and educational. It provides guidance, mediation, and practical tools to help parents disengage from conflict and refocus on their children’s needs.In a smaller number of cases, however, conflict has become entrenched. Communication repeatedly breaks down, court orders are not followed, and the parenting system itself becomes unstable. In those situations, the role of the Parenting Coordinator necessarily shifts. The priority becomes restoring predictability and safety for the child through clear structure, consistency, and timely decision-making.This page explains how that structure works—and why it is essential to fairness.<h3>A Structured Process, Not an Emotional Contest</h3>Parenting coordination is not a forum for deciding who is right, who is more reasonable, or whose feelings are more justified. It is a forward‑looking, child‑centred process governed by court orders or written agreements.Emotions are real and understandable in high-conflict families. They are acknowledged. But they do not drive decisions.Fairness in parenting coordination comes from:• applying the same rules to both parents• relying on written agreements and orders rather than persuasion• making decisions based on objective criteria• ensuring that one parent’s intensity or distress does not disadvantage the otherThis is why, when the process moves into a Determination, the focus becomes calm, neutral, and procedural. That shift is intentional—and protective.<h3>When Responsibility Is Avoided and Chaos Increases</h3>High-conflict dynamics often include patterns such as repeated blame, revisiting past grievances, or creating urgency and confusion around routine parenting matters. While these behaviours may arise from stress, they increase instability for children and significantly increase costs for families.Our approach: action over debate.We do not re‑litigate history or attempt to resolve emotional disputes within a Determination. Instead, the Parenting Coordinator identifies:• what decision is required• what the governing order or agreement says• what outcome best restores stability for the childIf an obligation is missed—such as an exchange, a deadline, or required information—the focus is on the next workable step, not fault-finding. Parents may attempt resolution through OFW where appropriate. If that does not resolve the issue, the PC will move the matter forward with a recommendation or Determination.<h3>Cost clarity:</h3>The most effective way to reduce parenting coordination costs is consistent compliance with timelines, communication rules, and agreements. Prolonged back‑and‑forth does not create fairness; it increases expense.<h3>Participation Is Required for the Process to Work</h3>Parenting coordination depends on participation. When parents cancel meetings, refuse to engage in required agreements, or overwhelm the process with excessive communication, progress stalls and costs increase.Our approach: enforce the structure neutrally.From the outset, the PC process outlined in the participation agreement applies to both parents equally. If required steps are refused or delayed, the Parenting Coordinator may issue a Determination so the process can continue.<h3>Communication Agreements</h3>Clear communication rules exist to protect both parents and keep decision‑making manageable. Messages must be:<ul><li style="list-style-type: none;" data-mce-style="list-style-type: none;"><ul><li style="">brief;</li><li>Informative;</li><li style="">friendly (respectful); and</li><li style="">firm (not bossy).</li></ul></li></ul>Messages that are abusive, repetitive, or excessively long are read, but review time and coaching may be billed. This is not punitive—it ensures that decisions are made efficiently and that no parent gains advantage through volume or escalation.<h3>Deadlines</h3>When a parent does not respond within the stated timeframe (typically 24 hours unless otherwise specified), the process does not pause. The Parenting Coordinator may proceed (with notice and instructions) to Determination so that parenting decisions are not indefinitely delayed.This protects the child from uncertainty and prevents one parent from controlling outcomes through non‑participation.<h3>When the Process Itself Is Challenged</h3>In high-conflict cases, it is not uncommon for frustration to shift toward the neutral professional. Allegations of bias or unfairness often arise when decisions are no longer negotiable.Our approach: documentation and redirection.The Parenting Coordinator does not argue or defend personally. Instead, responses return to:• the written court order or agreement• documented communication• the applicable best‑interest standardEvery recommendation and Determination is grounded in the child’s best interests, not parental preference or perception of fairness. This objective standard functions as a safeguard for everyone involved.A detailed written record is maintained throughout the process. When misunderstandings occur, the record—not memory or interpretation—provides clarity.<h3>Why Consistency Matters</h3>For children living in high-conflict families, unpredictability is deeply distressing. One of the most effective ways to reduce conflict is to make it ineffective.The Parenting Coordinator’s role is to be:• predictable• consistent• bound by structure• emotionally neutral when decisions are madeThis is not coldness. It is fairness.By applying the same rules, timelines, and standards to both parents—every time—the process removes incentives for escalation, argument, or delay. Over time, this consistency often reduces conflict precisely because it does not respond to it.The goal is not to punish behaviour, but to restore stability so children can rely on their parenting system again. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator since 2008 and a family law lawyer since 1998 in British Columbia. For further reading about our process visit <a style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/the-method" data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/the-method" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">The Method</a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"> page.&nbsp; For further reading if a co-parent is obstructing the PC process, read: <a style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-co-parent-obstructs-the-pc-process" data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-co-parent-obstructs-the-pc-process" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">What to Do When Your Co-parent Obstructs the PC Process</a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"> and <a style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-pc-process-has-teeth--understanding-enforcement-and-determinations" data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-pc-process-has-teeth--understanding-enforcement-and-determinations" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Understanding Enforcement</a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">. &nbsp; © 2026 Cori McGuire. All Rights Reserved. Proprietary Workflow.

When Cooperation Stops: How the Parenting Coordination Process Manages High Conflict

teenage boy looking at his cell phone while holding his hand to his head with worry and sadness

The question of when to give a child a smartphone—and access to social media—is one of the most complex parenting decisions today. For parents coordinating the care of children, especially those with developmental disabilities like Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), ADHD, or intellectual disability, this decision carries even more weight.There is no single "magic age." While some experts recommend waiting until at least the end of 8th grade (around age 13-14) for a smartphone for neurotypical children to mitigate risks like cyberbullying, addiction, and poor sleep, the needs of a neurodivergent child require a more individualized assessment. Their readiness is less about their birth date and more about their unique developmental profile, communication needs, and safety vulnerability.Here is a guide to help you assess readiness and establish healthy boundaries, considering the unique challenges and potential benefits for all children.&nbsp;Part 1: Assessing Readiness – It's Not Just About Age &nbsp;For all children, but especially those who are neurodivergent, a child's maturity and responsibility are the most critical factors.Readiness Factor: Key Questions for All Children Special Considerations for Neurodivergent Children&nbsp; <ul><li>Responsibility &amp; Impulse Control Can your child consistently follow household rules? Do they generally apologize for hurting a friend's feelings?<ul><li>ADHD &amp; Intellectual Disability: Children with ADHD often struggle with impulsivity, making them more likely to post regrettable content or become addicted to the constant stimulation. Children with intellectual disability may struggle with understanding consequences and money management (e.g., in-app purchases).</li></ul></li><li>Social Awareness How well does your child pick up on social cues, tone, and sarcasm in face-to-face interactions<ul><li style="list-style-type: none;" data-mce-style="list-style-type: none;"><ul><li>ASD &amp; Intellectual Disability: Many children with ASD are concrete, literal thinkers. Text and social media can lack the context of nonverbal cues, making them extremely vulnerable to misunderstandings, manipulation, and cyberbullying. They may not realize they are being teased or targeted.</li></ul></li></ul></li><li>Safety &amp; Privacy Does your child understand that their digital footprint is permanent? Do they know to never share personal information with strangers?<ul><li>All Neurodivergent Children: This group is at a significantly higher risk for cyberbullying, online harassment, and exploitation. Clear, concrete examples and role-playing on what to share and what is inappropriate are essential teaching tools.</li></ul></li><li>Emotion Regulation How does your child typically manage anxiety or frustration? Do they use screens as their only coping mechanism?<ul><li>Excessive screen use can exacerbate existing challenges like sensory overload, sleep disruption, and anxiety in children with ASD. For children with ADHD, it can be a source of constant, addictive stimulation that draws focus away from important activities. </li></ul></li><li>Parental Preparedness Are you, the parent, ready to model responsible screen use, set clear rules, and consistently monitor their activity? Your role in monitoring and teaching is even more critical. You must be prepared to look at texts, review privacy settings, and have ongoing, open conversations about their online experiences. &nbsp; </li></ul>Part 2: Differentiating Between a Phone and Social Media Access &nbsp;It's vital for parents to understand that a cell phone does not automatically equal social media. You can delay social media access even after providing a smartphone, or opt for a basic device. 1. The Smartphone vs. Basic Phone Decision &nbsp;For a child, especially a neurodivergent one, the primary purpose of a device is often safety and communication with family.<ul><li>Consider a Basic Phone or Smartwatch First: Alternatives like GPS watches or "dumb phones" that allow for calls, pre-set texts, and GPS tracking can offer the necessary safety features without the internet browser, app store, and social media distractions.</li><li>A "Call and Text Only" Phase: If a smartphone is needed, you can initially lock down its functionality, allowing only calls and texts to trusted contacts until your child demonstrates consistent responsibility. &nbsp;</li></ul>2. The Social Media Question &nbsp;For many children, particularly those with existing social and emotional vulnerabilities, no social media may be the safest and most beneficial path.<ul><li>Potential Benefits for Neurodivergent Youth Significant Risks for Neurodivergent Youth Low-Pressure Communication: Typing can remove the pressure of non-verbal cues and real-time social demands (eye contact, body language), reducing social anxiety for those with ASD.</li><li>Cyberbullying: Neurodivergent children are at a significantly higher risk for cyberbullying, which can severely impact mental health.</li><li>Interest-Based Connections: Social media platforms allow for finding communities based on niche interests, fostering a sense of belonging that may be hard to find in person.</li><li>Addiction &amp; Hyper-Focus: The fast-paced, highly stimulating nature of social media is particularly addictive for children with ADHD, and the "need for completion" can hook children with ASD indefinitely.</li><li>Self-Advocacy &amp; Identity: Connecting with other neurodivergent individuals can aid in developing a strong self-identity and sense of community.</li><li>Sleep Disruption: Screen light and the psychological need to check for messages disrupts sleep, which is already a high-risk area for autistic youth.</li><li>Learning &amp; Life Skills: Technology can be an effective tool for teaching life skills through gamified learning and apps.</li><li>Exposure to Predators &amp; Exploitation: Literal thinking and social naivety increase the risk of being misled or manipulated by online predators. &nbsp; </li></ul>Part 3: Establishing a Media Plan for Co-Parents &nbsp;A unified approach between parents is crucial for consistency and safety.<ul><li>Create a Family Media Agreement/Contract: Put all rules in writing. This should cover:</li><li>Screen-Free Zones: No devices at the dinner table, in bedrooms overnight, or during homework. Screen Time Limits: Establish clear, regulated time frames. For example, for children aged 7-12, recommended daily screen time is often between 1-1.5 hours. Content Rules: Specific, concrete rules about what can be watched, what is appropriate to share, and what to do if they see something upsetting. Parental Monitoring is Non-Negotiable: Agree that you will know all passwords, routinely check their device activity, and use parental control apps to filter content, enforce downtime, and track location. This is not about a lack of trust; it is a safety measure to protect a child who is developmentally vulnerable. Use Technology to Teach, Not Just Control: Engage with your child's online world. Play a game with them, watch a video they like, and use real-life events to teach about online etiquette, digital reputation, and recognizing malicious intent. The decision to introduce a smartphone and social media is a fluid, ongoing process. By prioritizing your child’s developmental maturity, focusing on their specific vulnerabilities, and maintaining a coordinated, communicative, and monitored approach, you can help them navigate the digital world safely.</li></ul>Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. For a second article on this common topic, click <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/high-conflict-co-parenting-and-the-iphone--a-guide-to-navigating-a-digital-minefield" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/high-conflict-co-parenting-and-the-iphone--a-guide-to-navigating-a-digital-minefield">Smartphones</a>. For other articles on how BC law is applied to specific situations using "the best interests of the child test", look at our <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">Resource Library</a>.&nbsp;

Determining Smartphone and Social Media Readiness

<h2>Extracurricular Activities Under Shared Parental Responsibilities</h2><h3>Implementing Court Orders and Parenting Coordination Agreements</h3>Extracurricular activities such as sports, dance, and music lessons can be meaningful and positive experiences for children. They support development, confidence, and social connection.When parents share parental responsibilities under a court order or agreement, decisions about extracurricular activities must be handled carefully, transparently, and consistently with the parenting framework that applies to them.This article explains how extracurricular activities are addressed when parenting coordination is in place, and how section 40(2) of British Columbia's Family Law Act (FLA) informs best practice.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Section 40(2) and Shared Decision‑Making Section 40(2) of the FLA provides that, unless an agreement or order says otherwise, parents who share parental responsibilities are expected to consult with each other about decisions affecting their child.The section states, in part, that parents are to exercise their responsibilities “in consultation with each other.”Section 40(2) does not resolve every disagreement, nor does it eliminate conflict. It does, however, establish a legislative expectation of consultation, communication, and information‑sharing where responsibilities are shared.In parenting coordination, section 40(2) is applied as a best‑practice standard when implementing court orders and agreements — particularly in high‑conflict cases where unilateral decision‑making has been a recurring problem.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Parenting Coordination Requires Disclosure When parenting coordination is in place, disclosure is required so that shared parental responsibilities can be meaningfully implemented.This includes disclosure about:• Proposed extracurricular activities• Waiting lists• Schedules, locations, and time commitments• Costs• How the activity would affect parenting timeNon‑disclosure cannot be used as a form of restrictive gatekeeping.Parenting coordination does not permit one parent to:• Act first and disclose later• Preserve an advantage by withholding information• Control access to activities by managing information flowWithout disclosure, consultation is impossible. Without consultation, shared parental responsibilities cannot function as ordered.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Waiting Lists Do Not Decide the Issue Placing a child on a waiting list does not determine whether the child will participate in the activity.A waiting list simply preserves availability. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">For parents who share parental responsibilities:• The existence of a waiting list does not authorize unilateral enrollment• It does not resolve disagreement• It does not override the parenting coordination processParents are expected to disclose the opportunity as soon as it is known and to raise the issue for discussion before further steps are taken.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">How to Make an Activity Proposal Appropriately All proposals regarding extracurricular activities should be made in writing, using the agreed communication platform (for example, OurFamilyWizard).In parenting coordination, proposals are expected to be BIFF (Bill Eddy):• Brief• Informative• Friendly• FirmA proper proposal focuses on information, not persuasion.A BIFF Proposal Should Include:• The name and nature of the activity• Schedule and location• Time commitment• Costs and proposed payment arrangement• Why the activity may be appropriate given the child’s age, needs, and existing scheduleWhat to Avoid• Do not frame the proposal as “the child wants this”• Do not present the child as having already committed• Do not repeatedly discuss the proposal with the childChildren are typically open to many activities. Over‑discussion can unintentionally create stress, pressure, or loyalty conflicts.Children’s preferences are important, but they should be gathered neutrally by both parents, using open‑ended questions, without coaching or pre‑loading expectations.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Gatekeeping and Loyalty Conflicts Parenting coordination is particularly cautious about gatekeeping — situations where extracurricular activities are used to:• Exclude the other parent• Interfere with parenting time• Create loyalty conflicts• Position one parent as supportive and the other as obstructiveUsing activities in this way is generally inconsistent with the child’s best interests and with the purpose of shared parental responsibilities.Unless a court order specifically authorizes exclusion, parenting coordination does not permit one parent to control or restrict the other parent’s involvement through activities.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Neutrality in Activities Matters Parenting coordination generally discourages extracurricular arrangements that are not neutral, such as:• Activities held exclusively at one parent’s home• Instruction provided by a close friend of one parent• Scheduling that predictably undermines the other parent’s parenting timeFor example, lessons held at one parent’s home with a teacher who is personally connected to that parent — particularly where the other parent is excluded — are often inappropriate in shared‑responsibility cases.Activities must be:• Logistically reasonable• Accessible to both parents• Balanced with the child’s overall scheduleThere is also a practical limit to how many extracurricular activities a child can reasonably manage. Overscheduling, or using activities to control parenting time, will not be supported in parenting coordination.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Supporting the Child’s Experience Extracurricular activities belong to the child. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">When parents are able to support the child’s participation without conflict, children benefit from:• Emotional safety• Stability• A sense that both parents support their interestsChildren do best when parents behave respectfully toward each other, toward instructors, and toward organizers — even when disagreements exist elsewhere.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Shared Participation Guidelines When both parents attend activities:• Maintain respectful physical and emotional distance as needed• Avoid arguments, negative remarks, or hostile behavior• Never speak negatively about the other parent to anyoneDuring the other parent’s parenting time, that parent takes the lead unless otherwise agreed.Brief private time for greetings and goodbyes should be accommodated where possible, as this supports the child’s sense of connection and security.Awards or certificates go home with the parent who has parenting time. Requests for copies can be made calmly and in writing after the event.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">In Summary When parents share parental responsibilities:• Consultation is an expected practice under section 40(2)• Disclosure is required to implement parenting coordination• Waiting lists do not decide issues• Extracurricular activities cannot be used as gatekeeping toolsParenting coordination exists to implement court orders and agreements as written, with a consistent focus on the child’s best interests.When parents prioritize transparency, neutrality, and respectful communication, extracurricular activities can remain what they are meant to be — a positive part of a child’s life.Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. Read more about <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-essential-role-of-extracurricular-activities-in-your-child-s-post-divorce-well-being" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-essential-role-of-extracurricular-activities-in-your-child-s-post-divorce-well-being">Why Extracurricular Activities are Essential for Child Development</a> &nbsp;and <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/why-secret-activities-are-co-parenting-poison" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/why-secret-activities-are-co-parenting-poison">Secret Activities are Co-parenting Poison</a>. For further reading visit our <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library">Resource Library</a>.

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