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In my practice as a Parenting Coordinator (PC), my primary mission is not to make decisions, but to help parents make them—together. However, when an issue reaches a point where I am formally requested to make a binding decision (a "Determination"), it signals high conflict and disagreement.At this critical juncture, I often deploy a specific strategy: providing a comprehensive, objective, and detailed handout before I issue the final order. This is not a delay tactic; it is a best practice that maximizes resolution, minimizes conflict, and serves the children’s best interests.Here is why you might receive a "Last Chance" Review handout from me just before a determination.1. Fulfilling the PC Mandate: The Obligation to Facilitate &nbsp;The role of a PC is first and foremost to facilitate resolution and help parents find common ground. When a matter is sent to me for determination, it means facilitation efforts have stalled.<ul><li>Final Educational Step: By providing a detailed analysis of the facts and the law—such as the specific BC Family Law Act factors and provincial curriculum content—I am conducting the final, essential step in education. It ensures both parents have the same complete, neutral information needed to make an informed choice.</li><li>Preventing Imposed Outcomes: If the research clearly demonstrates that one outcome is heavily favoured by the law , it gives parents a final opportunity to accept the inevitable and sign a consent agreement. Resolving a dispute by mutual consent is always superior to an imposed decision. &nbsp;</li></ul>2. Softening the Outcome and Reducing Conflict &nbsp;Receiving an unfavorable determination can understandably lead to frustration and emotional upset. My process is designed to mitigate this conflict and stress.<ul><li>Shifting Focus from Person to Principle: It is much less upsetting for a parent to read a detailed, objective analysis of the law and the child's best interests than to simply receive a final, blunt order that goes against their wishes.</li><li>Demonstrating Transparency: By presenting the research before the decision, I show that I have fully considered their perspective, conducted due diligence, and that the determination is based on legal and factual necessity, not personal preference. This helps the parent who may disagree understand the legal rationale driving the outcome. &nbsp;</li></ul>3. Efficiency and Due Diligence &nbsp;This strategy is also the most efficient use of professional time and parent resources.<ul><li>Avoiding Unnecessary Work: If the handout leads to an agreement, the parents save the significant time and cost involved in me drafting a formal, lengthy, and legally complex determination document.</li><li>Preparation for the Final Order: If the parents remain at an impasse, the content of the "Last Chance" Review directly becomes the "Findings of Fact" and "Rationale" section of the final written determination. This ensures my research is fully utilized, allowing me to issue the determination quickly and efficiently. &nbsp; &nbsp;</li></ul>The Bottom Line &nbsp;If you receive a detailed, educational handout from me when you are expecting a formal determination, it means two things:<ol><li>The research is complete.</li><li>You have one final, brief opportunity to resolve the issue by consent. </li></ol>My commitment is to ensure that every decision—whether agreed upon or imposed—is rooted in the law, informed by comprehensive facts, and ultimately serves the security and emotional well-being of your child.If you are facing a difficult co-parenting dispute and need a resolution that prioritizes your child's best interests, please contact me to discuss Parenting Coordination services.

The "Last Chance" Review: Why I Might Send a Handout Right Before a Decision

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If your co-parent is using non-compliance, hostility, or refusal to pay fees to stall the Parenting Coordination (PC) process, you can take specific, proactive steps to protect your child, your financial position, and the integrity of the process.1. Maintain Documentation Excellence<ul style="list-style-type: circle;" data-mce-style="list-style-type: circle;"><li>Documentation is your most powerful tool. Treat every interaction—or lack thereof—as a piece of evidence.</li><li>Financial Records: Keep a precise, chronological record of all PC invoices, receipts, and payments made by both you and your co-parent. Specifically document every date and amount you had to advance on their behalf (e.g., covering their share of the retainer or arrears).</li><li>Communication Log: Maintain a log of every PC session they missed, every deadline they ignored, and every refusal to communicate (while simultaneously ensuring your own compliance). Do not rely on your memory; use a simple, structured spreadsheet.</li><li>PC Decisions: File and organize every Recommendation and Determination issued by the PC. These are the binding documents your lawyer will use for enforcement. &nbsp;</li></ul>2. Strategic Communication &nbsp;When dealing with an uncooperative co-parent, your communication should be focused on the child's needs and compliance, not on emotion or retaliation.<ul><li>Keep it Child-Focused: When communicating about a matter the co-parent is obstructing, always tie the request back to the child (e.g., "The PC recommended we decide X by Tuesday to ensure [Child's Name] is prepared for school camp").</li><li>Use the PC as the Shield: When they attempt a unilateral change or termination, refer them back to the governing document. Your reply should be brief: "As per Article X of the PC Contract/Court Order, termination requires mutual agreement. Please direct all further communication regarding PC fees/termination to the Parenting Coordinator."</li><li>Do Not Engage in the Conflict: If they send hostile or accusatory emails, do not reply to the emotion. Forward the email to the PC as an example of non-compliant behavior, and, if a reply is strictly necessary, keep it factual and one sentence long. &nbsp;</li></ul>3. Financial and Legal Protection &nbsp;If your co-parent stops paying their share, your immediate priority is ensuring the PC's continuity of service to prevent them from resigning due to non-payment.<ul style="list-style-type: circle;" data-mce-style="list-style-type: circle;"><li>Pay Under Protest: If the PC requires you to pay the full outstanding balance or retainer to continue work, pay it and document the payment. Inform the PC and your lawyer that you are paying the funds "under protest" (i.e., that you intend to seek reimbursement later).</li><li>Do Not Wait for Resignation: Encourage your PC to issue a Formal Determination on the non-payment and obstruction before the process completely breaks down. This Determination provides you with the immediate evidence required to proceed.</li><li>Engage Your Lawyer for Enforcement: Once the PC issues a Determination (especially one regarding arrears or new retainer terms), immediately contact your lawyer. Your lawyer can:<ul style="list-style-type: circle;" data-mce-style="list-style-type: circle;"><li>File the Determination with the court to make it a binding court order.</li><li>File a Motion to Enforce the Determination, seeking a court order for your co-parent to reimburse you for all advanced funds.</li><li>Seek a cost order that requires the co-parent to pay your legal fees incurred due to their non-compliance.</li></ul></li></ul>The most crucial step is to quickly fund the PC work needed to issue the enforceable Determination. This saves you the greater cost, time, and stress of starting over in court without a clear, binding roadmap for enforcement.

What to Do When Your Co-Parent Obstructs the PC Process

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Parenting Coordination (PC) is often recommended for families trapped in persistent, high-level conflict. While PC is designed to be a flexible, cooperative process, sometimes a parent attempts to obstruct progress to gain a strategic advantage or avoid a difficult decision.If you are considering PC, or are currently engaged in the process, it’s vital to understand that the system is not fragile. The PC process is structured, authoritative, and backed by the court system to ensure the child’s well-being remains the focus.PC is Not Just Mediation: The Power of DeterminationA common misconception is that PC is simply high-level mediation. It is not. The key difference lies in the PC’s decision-making authority.<ul><li>Mediation: Requires 100% agreement from both parties to reach a conclusion.</li><li>Parenting Coordination: Requires good faith participation. When an agreement cannot be reached (or when one party actively obstructs the process), the PC has the authority, granted by your PC Contract or Court Order, to issue a Formal Determination. </li></ul>A Determination is a binding, written decision made by the PC to resolve the specific dispute at hand, whether it involves a holiday schedule, a health care issue, or procedural matters like payment.When Parents Choose to Obstruct the ProcessIn high-conflict situations, one parent may try to derail the PC process by using a procedural or financial tactic. Common obstruction attempts include:<ul><li>Unilateral Termination: Attempting to fire the PC without the agreement of the other parent or a new court order.</li><li>Refusal to Engage: Ignoring communications, cancelling appointments, or failing to provide necessary information.</li><li>Financial Non-Compliance: Refusing to pay their share of the PC’s retainer or invoices, breaching the foundational contract. </li></ul>These actions are direct breaches of the court order or agreement that initiated the PC process. They are not pathways to evasion—they are pathways to enforcement.The Consequences of Non-ComplianceA PC cannot simply walk away when fees are unpaid or a party is uncooperative. The PC has an obligation to manage the process fairly and decisively.1. The PC Focuses on the DeterminationWhen a parent engages in financial non-compliance or persistent refusal to cooperate, the PC will generally shift focus from coaching and mediation to enforcement. This means:The PC will document the non-compliance (e.g., the unpaid balance, the refusal to attend). The PC will proceed to issue a Formal Determination specifically addressing the breach. This decision can compel the non-compliant parent to pay the arrears, or it may change the future payment structure (e.g., requiring a larger security deposit or requiring the non-compliant party to pre-pay the entire retainer). &nbsp;2. The Determination is Enforced by the Court &nbsp;The primary purpose of issuing a Determination—even one about finances—is to ensure it can be enforced.A PC Determination is not automatically a court order, but it is designed to be filed and enforced. The compliant parent can take the PC's written Determination to their lawyer and file it with the court. Once filed, the Determination is enforced as if it were an order of the court. This means that a tactic like withholding payment ultimately results in the non-compliant parent facing the court system—the very outcome they were often trying to avoid—to settle a debt, and potentially facing further sanctions.PC: A Strategic Investment, Not Endless Conflict &nbsp;The value of the PC process lies in its efficiency. While a parent’s attempt to stall the process by withholding $3,000 might temporarily save them money, it forces the compliant parent to spend money to advance the process. However, this is a strategic investment in swift resolution.By compelling the PC to issue a Determination, the compliant parent receives a binding, court-ready document that resolves the immediate dispute. Paying for this final decision is almost always more efficient and cost-effective than starting from scratch with a new motion in court.The Parenting Coordination process is robust. Attempts to undermine or obstruct it simply accelerate the process towards a formal, enforceable conclusion, maintaining the focus where it belongs: on implementing the parenting plan and protecting the child’s best interests.

The PC Process Has Teeth: Understanding Enforcement and Determinations

As a Parenting Coordinator (PC), I see a common, frustrating pattern: parents locked in an endless cycle of email conflict over issues that have already been settled or are simply non-urgent. One parent refuses to take no for an answer (often re-raising a schedule change), and the other parent refuses to be silent (continuing to defend their 'no').The result? Hundreds of back-and-forth emails, thousands of dollars in PC fees, and a complete breakdown of the system designed to help them.What is the Emotional "Payoff" for the Conflict?When a parent violates a communication agreement—whether by asking the same question for the fifth time or by writing a lengthy email to "correct the record"—they are not thinking logically. They are reacting.<ul><li>The Need to Be Right: In the emotional aftermath of a separation, many parents feel a profound sense of injustice. They believe that if they just explain their point one more time, the other parent, the PC, or the Judge will finally see that they are the victim and the other parent is the problem.</li><li>The Adrenaline Rush: Conflict can become an addictive coping mechanism. The spike of anger and the rush of writing a defensive email provides a temporary (and unhealthy) feeling of control over a situation that feels completely out of control.</li><li>The Misguided Legal Strategy: Many believe that responding to every accusation or request is necessary to build a "strong legal record." This is a critical error. A Judge looking at two parents' emails who have violated a strict communication protocol does not see a reasonable parent defending themselves; they see two parents who are equally choosing to engage in high-conflict behavior. &nbsp;</li></ul>The Reality Check: What the Court Sees &nbsp;When a communication agreement is violated, the court’s focus shifts from the original issue (e.g., the 2-2-3 schedule) to the parents' inability to follow the court-mandated process.<ul><li>Credibility is Lost: The parent who re-raises a settled issue is seen as harassing and non-compliant. The parent who chooses to respond is seen as equally non-compliant, emotionally reactive, and an active participant in perpetuating the conflict.</li><li>The Child's Best Interest is Undermined: A judge's ultimate mandate is the child's well-being.</li></ul>When parents cannot maintain a logical, calm, and brief co-parenting relationship—as modeled by the BIFF principles—they demonstrate that they are prioritizing their own emotional needs over the child’s need for peace and stability. This can result in:<ul><li>Financial Sanctions: Being ordered to pay the other party's wasted legal or PC fees.</li><li>Loss of Discretion: The court may institute a rigid Parallel Parenting plan, removing all joint decision-making authority to force the parents to completely disengage, which is the ultimate failure of co-parenting.</li></ul>The Truth Your Child Deserves to HearThe constant cycle of conflict creates Toxic Stress—a documented health risk—for your child. Research into Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) shows that chronic exposure to family dysfunction, including high parental conflict, alters a child's brain development and puts them at a dramatically higher risk for a lifetime of health problems, from heart disease to depression.Your emotional email is not just a frustrating exchange; it is a threat to your child’s emotional and physical future.My instruction to every high-conflict client is now simpler than ever:If the issue is settled, the answer is silence. If you choose to engage, you are choosing conflict. Your PC will no longer mediate your back-and-forth. We will only document your non-compliance to ensure the court is aware of who is choosing peace, and who is choosing to fight. For the sake of your child’s health and future, choose silence. Choose peace.

The Unproductive Loop: Why High-Conflict Co-Parents Keep Fighting (and What Judges Will Notice)

The sniffles, the fever, the inevitable late-night vomiting—it's cold and flu season, and for parents of young children, it often means sleepless nights, missed workdays, and an unavoidable juggling act.In high-conflict co-parenting situations, however, a child's illness can sadly become more than a physical challenge; it can turn into a relationship crisis. Instead of uniting to care for their sick child, some parents fall back into old patterns, even going so far as to weaponize an illness to frustrate, control, or gatekeep the other parent.If your child is ill, your only job is to work together. Your child is already navigating being sick; they shouldn't also have to navigate a parental conflict over who's caring for them.When Illness Becomes a BattlegroundIt’s a tough truth, but illness is one of the most common reasons for a sudden, destructive "wobble" in a carefully crafted parenting plan. Here’s what destructive communication looks like during an illness—and what you must avoid:<ol><li>The Silent Treatment: A parent unilaterally decides the child is too sick for the exchange and only notifies the other parent an hour after the scheduled time, providing no updates or medical information.</li><li>The Rigid Demand: A parent is woken up at 3:00 AM because their child is vomiting. They finally fall asleep around 5:00 AM, only to receive an angry text at 8:01 AM (one minute after the exchange time) that reads: "WHERE ARE YOU? You're late. I'm taking this to the PC." No grace, no inquiry, just an accusation.</li><li>The Gatekeeper: A parent refuses an exchange, claiming the child has "walking pneumonia" based on a mild cough, and then refuses to provide any pediatrician notes or allow a brief phone call with the doctor. This is a clear attempt to monopolize the child's care and frustrate the other parent’s parenting time. </li></ol>This type of communication creates a high-stakes, devastating atmosphere for the child. It transforms a simple fever into an anxiety-fueled parenting time crisis.The Child’s Needs Come FirstThe reality is that childhood is filled with multiple illnesses. Parents will miss work. Exchange times will sometimes need to be flexible, especially if a long commute is involved. The only thing that matters is the well-being of your child.This is an opportunity to lean on your strengths as co-parents:<ul><li>Flexibility: Does one parent have a more flexible work schedule? Can they work from home to care for the sick child? Be open to adjusting the schedule temporarily, even if it means sacrificing a few of your hours.</li><li>Communication: Who has the child's temperature? What did the doctor say? Is the fever improving or worsening? Your communication must be timely, transparent, and factual.</li><li>Creative Solutions: If your child is too ill for the exchange, you need a plan for care that prioritizes comfort and recovery. &nbsp;It may require a later exchange time or that one parent assumes all care until the child is well enough for travel or the exchange.&nbsp; </li></ul>Utilizing Your Communication ProtocolsOne of the most essential functions of a Parenting Coordinator is to set up a clear communication protocol right at the outset of our work together.These protocols require you to provide transparent and timely notice of an illness, including facts like a temperature reading, doctor's diagnosis, and prognosis. This system is designed specifically to prevent the monopolizing of the illness as a method of gatekeeping or creating conflict.If you are struggling to make these very simple, logical arrangements yourselves, your Parenting Coordinator is ready to step in. We can quickly establish a binding, temporary care plan to prevent unnecessary, prolonged conflict and ensure your sick child gets the calm, focused care they deserve.This cold and flu season, remember: your child's fever is a call to teamwork, not a cue for conflict.&nbsp;Are you struggling to manage illness exchanges? Contact me today to establish clear, constructive communication protocols for your co-parenting plan.

Cold & Flu Season: The Time for Co-Parenting Teamwork

Parenting coordination (PC) is an intervention designed specifically for co-parents who face chronic, high-level conflict, often after years of struggle with communication, litigation, and emotional stress.For the vast majority of parents, the goal of PC is to provide education, mediation, and tools for better co-parenting. However, a small subset of cases involve a persistent pattern of behavior that actively works against the PC process. This behavior—characterized by manipulation, refusal to comply with court orders, and the creation of chaos—can quickly undermine the stability the children desperately need.If you are entering the PC process, it is important to understand the professional and structured approach we use to manage these dynamics. Our focus cannot continually rely on managing parental emotions, but on enforcing a clear, predictable, and child-centered process.The PC’s Stance: No Chaos, No Victim Narratives, Just ComplianceWe recognize and address specific high-conflict tactics not as personal attacks, but as predictable strategies to avoid accountability and obstruct the process. Our approach is to neutralize these strategies by using clear, documented, and enforceable procedures.1. On Avoiding Responsibility and Creating Chaos &nbsp;High-conflict dynamics often involve constant blame, refusal to acknowledge one's own role in the conflict, and a pattern of behavior that increases conflict and expense.The PC’s Strategy: Action Over Emotion. We will not debate blame, past history, or emotional interpretations of events. The PC’s response aims to provide the practical solution required. If a co-parent fails to take action (e.g., misses an exchange, fails to provide information), the PC will issue a directive that focuses on the immediate path forward and the consequences of future non-compliance.Cost Control: The quickest way to reduce the cost of parenting coordination is to adhere to deadlines and communication rules. Engaging in back-and-forth arguments only increases fees.&nbsp;2. On Resisting the Process and Refusing to Communicate&nbsp;The PC process requires active participation. Tactics like refusing to sign consensus agreements, cancelling meetings, or flooding the inbox with unmanageable emails are forms of process resistance.The PC’s Strategy: Enforcing the Structure. From the very first meeting, the PC process outlined in the contract is mandatory. If a client refuses necessary agreements, a determination will result. &nbsp;The Communication Agreement: We strictly enforce communication protocols. Emails and messages must be concise, relevant to a specific decision, and respectful. Communication that is abusive, repetitive, or exceed reasonable length will be read but not responded to by the PC, though billing for review time will apply. This is done to ensure the process focuses on decisions, not endless conflict.The Deadline Policy: Failure to respond to communication from the PC by a set deadline (typically 24-48 hours) may result in the PC proceeding to make a directive without your input. Non-participation will not halt the process.3. On Accusations and Undermining the PC’s AuthorityHigh-conflict parents often employ a strategy of flipping the narrative, always playing the victim, and attempting to destabilize the process by attacking the neutral professional with accusations of bias, favoritism, or lack of neutrality.The PC’s Strategy: Documentation and Redirection. We avoid engaging in self-defense. Any accusations will be met by a redirection to the established facts, the court order, or the last written directive.The Best Interest Standard: Every recommendation and decision is grounded solely in the legal standard of the child’s best interest. This standard is objective and serves as the firewall against emotional or manipulative arguments. Parental preferences, feelings of unfairness, or individual demands are secondary to the child’s need for stability and safety.Paper Trail is Paramount: We maintain an exhaustive, objective record of all communication and actions. If a client misrepresents a fact or conversation, we simply provide the original documentation to establish reality.A Commitment to ConsistencyFor children in high-conflict families, one of the greatest sources of distress is unpredictability. The Parenting Coordinator's commitment is to be firmly predictable.We will not be manipulated. We will not engage in arguments that derail the process. We will follow through on consequences. By implementing a consistent, structured, and fact-based approach, the PC creates an environment where the disruptive behaviors cease to be effective. This structure is the most powerful tool we have to reduce conflict and finally give the child the peace and stability they deserve.

Cori L. McGuire Parenting Coordinator

Blog

The "Last Chance" Review: Why I Might Send a Handout Righ...

What to Do When Your Co-Parent Obstructs the PC Process

The PC Process Has Teeth: Understanding Enforcement and D...

The Unproductive Loop: Why High-Conflict Co-Parents Keep ...

Cold & Flu Season: The Time for Co-Parenting Teamwork

When Cooperation Stops: How the Parenting Coordination Pr...