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beautiful classic rainbow across in the blue sky after the rain

If you have been ordered or have agreed to work with a Parenting Coordinator (PC), you are likely coming from a place of high stress and high conflict. You might be used to the adversarial nature of a courtroom where there is a winner, a loser, and a judge who decides who is right.Parenting Coordination is different. A PC's role is not to be a judge or a witness to your past conflicts. My role is to be a process manager and a teacher.I handle your file to ensure the process remains affordable, neutral, and focused on your children as follows:&nbsp;<h3>1. I am a Teacher, Not a Witness</h3>The goal of a PC is to move you toward self-management. Under the teaching m<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">andate, I provide the tools such as counselling recommendations, communication protocols, and templates, to help you resolve disputes without future dependence on professional intervention.A PC is not a witness. I do not participate in your litigation. This is a shield that protects my neutrality; the moment I am perceived as a witness for one side, my ability to teach the other side effectively ends. My only "voice" in the legal system is through my formal Determinations. PC authority is a court-approved delegation, not inherent. Binding decisions only occur within the appointment’s express scope and with mutual consent or court authorisation.<h3>2. I &nbsp;balance how much time is spent with each parent.</h3>In high-conflict disputes, time is often weaponized. If a PC spends significantly more time reading one parent’s emails, it can be perceived as alignment.I prioritize joint meetings and "CC’d" emails. This ensures both parents receive the same information at the exact same time. If one parent drives 80% of the PC’s billable time through excessive emails or meritless complaints, Section 17 of the FLA Regulations allows for the reapportionment of costs. This isn't about blame; it is the financial reality of how much time that parent is consuming.<h3>3. I must prioritize efficiency over excess to make decisions affordable.</h3>A PC should not be a "luxury item" that bankrupts a family. To keep costs down, I follow an efficiency plan. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I use informal "Recommendations" for minor day-to-day issues to save you money. Formal "Determinations" are reserved for serious breaches or important stalemates. I generally do not accept long submissions from parents; I require a concise 1-3 page summaries of the facts, and your proposed remedy.<h3>4. The Communication Agreement requires a no-blame proposal based BIFF.</h3>All co-parenting messages will be: Brief, Informative, Friendly (professional), and Firm (your boundary, not bossy).<h3>Teaching without Blame:</h3>My job is not to overly focus exclusively on "Why" something happened, as that invites excuses and conflict. My job is to ask "What’s next?" Instead of focusing on a past failure (e.g., "You missed the hockey practice"), we focus on the restorative protocol (e.g., "The agreement requires attendance; since it didn't happen, Parent B now has the Right of First Refusal to transport the child").<h3>5. Every issue we face requires a clear path regarding cost and outcome.</h3><ul><li>Coaching/Teaching - Changing behavior for the future - PC fees shared 50/50.</li><li>New Protocols - Creating clearer rules to stop the "gray area." - &nbsp;PC fees shared 50/50.</li><li>Failure to follow agreements - PC fees reapportioned when one party's actions increased them. &nbsp;<h3>6. To remain effective, I must maintain a distance.</h3></li></ul>I cannot align with either parent, nor can I get caught in the middle of personal attacks. By focusing on objective criteria such as the Family Law Act and your Order or Agreement, we ensure the process remains fair.In summary, parenting coordination is a roadmap to stability. By following these rules, we ensure the process is a tool for your child’s well-being, rather than another battlefield for the adults.Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. A similar article explaining my role in further detail is <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-framework-of-trust--why-my-professional-boundaries-protect-your-family" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-framework-of-trust--why-my-professional-boundaries-protect-your-family">The Framework of Trust</a>. If the PC Process is obstructed, further articles explain the process linked in the <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library">Resource Library</a>.&nbsp;&nbsp;

How Parenting Coordinators Work to Keep You Out of Court

Parenting Coordination (PC) is designed to move families out of the courtroom and into a functional, child-focused dynamic. However, a significant challenge arises when, after weeks of negotiation and mounting fees, one parent treats a final agreement as a mere suggestion.In BC, failing to follow a signed PC agreement isn't just a "misunderstanding"; it's a failure to uphold the best interests of the child and a potential trigger for significant legal and financial consequences.1. The Legal "Teeth": Filing under Section 44 A PC agreement is not a handshake. Under Section 44 of the Family Law Act, a written agreement respecting parenting arrangements may be filed with the court. <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Once filed, the agreement has the same force and effect as a court order for the purposes of enforcement. You are no longer asking for a favor; you are expecting compliance with a legal obligation.2. The "Fork in the Road": Strategic Responses to a Breach If a parent acts contrary to a filed agreement, such as repeatedly failing to take the children to their hockey practice, the first step is to always send a BIFF message on OFW asking an open ended question about it and request a discussion regarding a remedy between yourselves. &nbsp;This no-fee step is expected for every breach.If you are unable to resolve the problem on your own, the compliant parent faces a strategic choice. You may advise the PC of the breach and request one of two paths (or a hybrid of both) depending on the severity of the issue to the best interests of the child.Path A: The Enforcement &amp; Oversight Route (Returning to Court)&nbsp;If the breach shows a fundamental lack of cooperation, under the BC PC Roster standard participation agreement, you will likely choose to proceed directly to court for enforcement. Because the agreement is filed under s. 44, the court can treat the breach as a violation of an order.The Hybrid "Last Hope": A client can return to court not just for "enforcement," but to request mandatory specialized counselling for their co-parent and court supervision of the PC process including the payment of PC fees. This allows a judge to oversee the remedial process by remaining seized, while keeping the children’s interests at the forefront. Cost Reallocation: The reapportionment of costs for these interventions, including counselling and PC fees, is an important consideration to ensure that the breaching parent bears the financial weight of the remedy.<h3>Path B: The "Teaching" Route (The PC Determination)&nbsp;</h3><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Alternatively, the PC process can be used to give the breaching party an opportunity to reform within the PC mandate. This involves a formal Determination aimed at rehabilitating the dynamic through: <ul><li>Mandatory Specialized Counselling: Targeting the root causes of non-compliance by a specialized counsellor for the parent having trouble complying with orders and agreements.</li><li>Remedies to cure the breac: In the example, this could require a Right of First Refusal, requiring the parent to give immediate notice if they cannot attend a practice so the other parent has the opportunity to take the children.</li><li>Reapportionment of PC fees: Under Section 17 of the FLA Regulation, the party in breach may be reapportioned some or all of the costs of the Determination process. </li></ul>3. Capacity and the PC’s Role While PCs try to teach and reform, depending on the circumstances, a formal Determination of breach can be viewed as a mark against a parent’s current capacity to put the child’s needs first.PCs are not litigators; their mandate is to effect meaningful change in parental behavior. PCs stay out of the courtroom to maintain impartiality. Their input is limited to what is outlined in their written Determinations. They remain in a rehabilitative role, focused on reform rather than blame. However, if a parent is unable to put their children's best interests first, the PC’s paper trail may become some of the evidence used by a judge to consider different avenues of parental decision making such as dividing &nbsp;parental responsibilities or removing decision-making authority over specific areas, like education or sports.The Roadmap for Parents If you are facing a breach, use BIFF, do not blame or accuse, propose solutions and avoid "text-message wars." Also:<ul><li>Document the Fact: Keep a neutral record of missed events.</li><li>Notify the PC: Advise them of the breach.</li><li>Choose Your Path: Decide if you want a "teaching" Determination or if it is time to return to court for enforcement and mandatory counselling or a new plan.</li><li>Accept the Guidance: If you are the parent in breach, use this article as a caution. The PC process is an opportunity to reform before the court takes the decision-making out of your hands entirely.</li></ul>Written by <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">Cori L. McGuire</a>, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. Cori has many other articles on the parenting coordination process including: <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/when-cooperation-stops--how-the-parenting-coordination-process-manages-high-conflict" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/when-cooperation-stops--how-the-parenting-coordination-process-manages-high-conflict">How PCs Manage Conflict</a>, <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-pc-process-has-teeth--understanding-enforcement-and-determinations" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-pc-process-has-teeth--understanding-enforcement-and-determinations">When a Co-operation Stops</a>, and when the Process is failing, <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/secret-recordings-in-parenting-coordination--why-transparency-is-non-negotiable" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/secret-recordings-in-parenting-coordination--why-transparency-is-non-negotiable">Secret Recordings</a>. Further reading by subject is found in our <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library">Resource Library</a>.

When PC Agreements are Ignored: Enforcement and Capacity

Brother and sister looking at a smartphone and enjoying time together at home

<h3>A Guide for Parents to Provide Emotional Security for Their Children</h3>In a "week-on, week-off" schedule or longer schedule, seven days can feel like a lifetime to an elementary-aged child. While adults focus on the calendar and logistics, children live in the emotional "now." When they are at one house, the other parent can feel out of reach.A brief midweek connection—a "Bridge Call"—is one of the most effective ways to maintain a child's sense of security and continuity.<h3>The Psychology of the "Bridge Connection"</h3>Psychologists emphasize that for children under 12, frequent and continuous contact is vital for Attachment Security by:<ul><li>Reducing Separation Anxiety: A scheduled 10-minute "hello" on a Wednesday prevents the "missingness" that often peaks mid-week.</li><li>Normalization: When a child sees that they can talk to Dad while at Mom’s house (and vice versa), it gives them "psychological permission" to love both parents. This reduces the risk of loyalty binds, where a child feels they must "forget" one parent to be loyal to the one they are currently with.</li><li>Relational Continuity: Sharing a small win—like a good grade or a funny story from recess—in real-time is much more impactful for a child than trying to remember it five days later.<h3>Logistics: Lowering the Friction</h3></li></ul>Many parents worry that a midweek call creates "contact" between the adults that leads to conflict. The goal is to make the call parent-neutral. If the use of a personal cell phone feels like an "invasion" of privacy, consider these alternatives:<ul><li>A dedicated Tablet;</li><li>A landline or WiFi "House" Phone</li><li>a Gizmo/Apple Watch &nbsp; The "Private Room" Approach: It is often healthiest for a child to take the call in a private space (like their bedroom or a playroom). This prevents the "audience effect," where a child feels they are being monitored. As long as the child is safe, privacy allows them to speak freely and naturally.</li></ul><h3>&nbsp;Sample Midweek Conduct Agreement</h3>To ensure the focus stays entirely on the child, parents can adopt a formal Conduct Agreement. This removes the guesswork and sets clear boundaries. Terms may include:<ul><li>The conversation shall be limited to the child’s life (school, friends, hobbies). Parents shall not ask the child about the other parent’s household, dating life, or spending.</li><li>This time is not for scheduling or "checking in" with the other parent. All adult business must be handled by OFW or email.</li><li>Calls are capped at 10 minutes. This ensures the call is a "treat" rather than a chore that interrupts the child’s evening routine.</li><li>The parent with the children agrees to provide a quiet space for the call. The calling parent agrees to remain upbeat and supportive of the child’s time in the other home.</li><li>Sarcasm, "digs," or criticisms of the other parent’s household (e.g., meals, bedtimes, or decor) are strictly prohibited. &nbsp;<h3>The Bottom Line</h3></li></ul>Parental safety and peace of mind are important, but they can be protected through technology and clear rules. When we prioritize the "Midweek Bridge," we tell the child: “You are allowed to be connected to both of your worlds at the same time.” That is the foundation of a healthy, resilient child.Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. Cori has many other articles on the parenting coordination process and the legal requirement to focus on the best interests of the children under s. 37 of the Family Law Act such as: <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/little-warriors-and-secret-recordings--why-privacy-is-a-parental-responsibility" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/little-warriors-and-secret-recordings--why-privacy-is-a-parental-responsibility">Why Privacy is a Parental Responsibility</a>, <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/when-words-hurt--swearing--emotional-modeling--and-your-child-s-sense-of-safety" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/when-words-hurt--swearing--emotional-modeling--and-your-child-s-sense-of-safety">The Swearing Problem</a>, <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/cold---flu-season--the-time-for-co-parenting-teamwork" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/cold---flu-season--the-time-for-co-parenting-teamwork">Ilnesses Exchange Times</a>,&nbsp; and <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/when-duty-calls--maintaining-connection-during-temporary-relocation" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/when-duty-calls--maintaining-connection-during-temporary-relocation">Living Apart</a>. For further specific issues please refer to our <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library">Resource Library</a>.

The Midweek Bridge: Why a 10-Minute Hello Matters

The baby boy happily rests on a suitcase packed with things for the tour, studio pink background. Kid aged three years (a three-year-old boy)

When a family transitions through divorce, the calendar often becomes a battlefield. We talk about "my days" versus "your days," but if we look through the eyes of a child, the math looks very different.<h3>Why Make-Up Time is a Medical Necessity</h3>The landmark Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) study (Felitti et al.) taught us something vital: the environment a child grows up in predicts their health as an adult. High-conflict divorce and the loss of a meaningful parental relationship are significant "adversities."When one parent takes a child on an extended vacation, it’s a wonderful opportunity for memories. But for the child, it’s also a long "gap" in their relationship with the other parent. Proactively offering "make-up time" isn't about being "fair" to your ex; it’s about reducing the dose of stress for your child. It ensures the child never feels they have to "sacrifice" one parent to enjoy the other.<h3>Protecting the "Child’s Experience" over "Parental Rights"</h3>Professor Nicholas Bala, a leading researcher in family law, has interviewed many people who grew up in high-conflict homes. His findings are a wake-up call: grown children don't remember who had the "better" legal argument. They remember feeling like pawns in a game of rights.Bala’s research suggests that children who see their parents fighting over every hour grow up feeling that their parents were more concerned with "winning" than with their child's happiness. By offering make-up time, you are choosing your child's experience over your legal entitlement.<h3>Modeling Selflessness</h3>Dr. Joan Kelly, a pioneer in child adjustment, found that the single greatest "protective factor" for a child is a high-quality relationship with both parents. She argues that parents who "encapsulate" their conflict and cooperate on scheduling provide a shield for their children.When you say, "I know you were away with me for two weeks, so let’s make sure you get extra time with Mom/Dad next week," you are modeling:<ul><li>Resilience: Showing them how to handle life's imbalances with grace.</li><li>Security: Teaching them that love is not a "limited resource" they have to hoard. <h3>The Role of Parenting Coordination</h3></li></ul>This is where a PC becomes your child’s greatest ally. A PC’s job is to lower the "conflict temperature." Instead of parents arguing over the logistics of a trade, the PC helps facilitate a solution that keeps the child at the center. We help parents move from "accounting" to "parenting," ensuring the child’s right to be and feel loved by both of you remains the priority.<h3>Downloadable Resource: Time Trade Template</h3>Instructions for Parents: Use this template when you are requesting a vacation or a schedule change. It is designed to be neutral, child-centric, and proactive about "making the child whole."Subject: Schedule Proposal for [Child's Name] – [Dates]Dear [Co-Parent's Name],I am writing to discuss our upcoming schedule regarding [Vacation/Event]. I would like to take [Child's Name] to [Location] from [Start Date] to [End Date].The Benefit to [Child's Name]: [Child's Name] is really looking forward to [specific activity, e.g., seeing grandparents, swimming, visiting the museum]. I believe this will be a wonderful memory for them.The "Make-Up" Plan: I recognize that this trip means [Child's Name] will miss [Number] of your scheduled days. To ensure they don't lose out on their essential time with you, I would like to propose the following make-up dates:Option A: [Insert Dates] Option B: [Insert Dates] Logistics: I will handle the transportation for these make-up sessions to ensure the transition is as smooth as possible for [Child's Name].My goal is to make sure [Child's Name] enjoys this experience while still maintaining their consistent bond with you. Please let me know which option works best for your schedule by [Date].Best regards, <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(16px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">[Your Name]When "No" is the Answer: A Parent’s Guide to Staying Child-Centered It is frustrating when you offer a fair time trade and receive a "no." However, this is the moment where modeling becomes most important. If you react with anger, the child feels the tension. If you react with a "child-first" strategy, you protect them from the conflict.1. Check the "Conflict Temperature" Before responding, ask yourself: Is this "no" about the child’s schedule, or is it about a past hurt between us? Professor Nick Bala’s research reminds us that children are hyper-aware of "legalistic" fighting. If you push back with "it’s my right," you are entering the zone that children later resent.2. The "Soft Pivot" Response If the co-parent refuses the trade, try a response that focuses entirely on the child’s experience rather than the calendar.The Script: "I understand those dates don't work for you. My main goal is to make sure [Child's Name] doesn't feel the 'gap' of being away from you for so long. Is there a different set of dates next month that would help them feel reconnected with you? I’m open to your suggestions." 3. Use the "ACEs" Lens Remember the Adverse Childhood Experiences research. Your goal is to prevent Toxic Stress.The Conflict is the Adversity: It is often better for a child to miss a few days of a vacation than to witness a three-week explosive battle between parents. The Solution: If a trade is flatly refused, document the offer and the refusal calmly. Bring this to your PC.4. How Parenting Coordination Helps A PC acts as a "buffer" in these moments. Instead of a "No" becoming a "War," the PC can:<ul><li>Analyze the Refusal: Is it based on a legitimate scheduling conflict or "gatekeeping"?</li><li>Mediate a Compromise: Find a third option that neither parent saw.</li></ul>Focus on the Child: Remind both parties of Dr. Joan Kelly’s findings—that the child’s adjustment depends on low conflict more than the exact number of hours on a page. &nbsp; <h3>The "De-escalation Checklist" for Parents</h3><ul><li>Wait 24 Hours: Never reply to a "No" while your heart rate is elevated.</li><li>Remove the "I" and "You": Re-read your draft. Does it say "I want" or "The child needs"?</li><li>Focus on the Long Game: Will this argument matter when your child is 25? (Bala’s research says they will only remember the tension).</li><li>Contact your PC: If you’ve reached an impasse, let the professional help you find the child-centric path forward.</li></ul>Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. Cori has many other articles on the parenting coordination process and the legal requirement to focus on the best interests of the children under s. 37 of the Family Law Act such as: <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/little-warriors-and-secret-recordings--why-privacy-is-a-parental-responsibility" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/little-warriors-and-secret-recordings--why-privacy-is-a-parental-responsibility">Why Privacy is a Parental Responsibility</a>, <a href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/tips-for-successful-parenting-time-trades" data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/tips-for-successful-parenting-time-trades">Tips for Time Trades</a> and <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-non-negotiable-rule--why-your-child-is-never-the-messenger" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-non-negotiable-rule--why-your-child-is-never-the-messenger">Why Your Child is Never the Messenger</a>. For further specific issues please refer to our <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library">Resource Library</a>.

The Gift of Time Trades- Template Included

Child, stop and hand closeup for protest, rejection and sign for prohibition of domestic violence. Palm, warning and kid against discrimination, racism and bullying at school, abuse and harassment

<h3>A Process of Containment, Not Adjudication</h3>Parenting Coordination files sometimes involve findings or allegations of family violence. Where that is the case, the Parenting Coordinator’s role is not to determine whether past family violence occurred, nor to revisit findings made—or not made—by the court. Those determinations rest with the judge.My mandate is narrower and forward‑looking: to implement the existing court order in a structured, neutral, and child‑focused way, and to design a process that prevents any form of family violence from continuing during the post‑separation parenting relationship.This requires strict impartiality between parents, clear adherence to the limits of the appointment, and consistent attention to the Best Interests of the Child. The focus is not on the past, but on whether the current parenting dynamics—and the Parenting Coordination process itself—are supporting or undermining the child’s safety, stability, and relationships as ordered by the court.Parenting Coordination is a child‑focused dispute‑resolution process, not a fact‑finding or investigative function.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">1. Designing a Process That Does Not Enable Ongoing Harm Family violence is not a single, static phenomenon. It may be unilateral or mutual, overt or subtle, historical or post‑separation. In many cases, the form of harm changes over time.For example, one parent may have used extreme physical violence during the relationship. Post‑separation, the conflict may evolve into retaliatory or coercive behaviours such as:• Chronic delay or non‑responsiveness,• Gatekeeping or disruption of the child’s relationship with the other parent,• Strategic non‑compliance framed as “protection,” or• Use of the Parenting Coordination process itself to prolong engagement and maintain control.My responsibility is not to characterize or re‑label these behaviours, but to assess whether the current interactional pattern is consistent with the court order and whether the PC process is capable of adjustments to interrupt harm rather than perpetuating it.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">2. Managing Power Imbalances Without Feeding Reactivity High‑conflict and violence‑involved files often involve complex power dynamics. One parent may exert influence through indirect, procedural, or psychological means, while the other may respond with heightened reactivity to perceived or actual threats.Over‑engaging with reactivity while overlooking manipulation can distort the process. Over‑correcting for manipulation while disregarding trauma responses can do the same.To remain effective and impartial, I rely on structured, rule‑based processes and limit informal or open‑ended engagement that can be misused by either party. Lawyers and counsellors are invited to contact me with process issues as my ethical code requires ongoing screening for family violence. Family violence screens are kept confidential in the &nbsp;process under the terms of the participation agreement. <h3>The Role of Shuttle Processes</h3>While joint sessions may be appropriate in some circumstances, separate or shuttle processes are often necessary to prevent intimidation, escalation, or performative conflict. The objective is not comfort or reconciliation, but containment and forward progress.If I determine that:• the Parenting Coordination process is being used as a tool to continue family violence, or• I can no longer effectively control the interactional dynamic by adjustments within the scope of my appointment,I have a professional obligation to withdraw. Ending Parenting Coordination can itself be a necessary step in stopping ongoing harm.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">3. Capacity, Not Labels, Drives Intervention The statutory definition of family violence is intentionally broad and includes psychological and financial abuse—elements present in many high‑conflict Parenting Coordination files.Rather than focusing on labels or diagnoses, my work is guided by two practical considerations:1. The impact of current behaviours on the child and on the parenting relationship as ordered by the court; and2. Each parent’s capacity to learn, adapt, respect boundaries, and move toward a non‑violent, child‑focused interaction model.Where that capacity is limited or inconsistently demonstrated, the scope and intensity of the Parenting Coordination process are adjusted accordingly.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">4. Clinical Support as a Parallel, Not a Substitute In violence‑involved files, nervous systems are often operating in survival mode. Parenting Coordination is not therapy and cannot function effectively if sessions are consumed by unmanaged trauma responses.For that reason, individual counselling is a required parallel support in my process.• My role is to design, manage, and enforce the process.• The clinician’s role is to support regulation, insight, and skill development.This separation of functions allows Parenting Coordination sessions to remain business‑like, child‑focused, and forward‑looking, rather than retraumatizing or circular.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">5. Radical Transparency to Prevent Process Abuse A contained process requires a clear and reliable record.To reduce escalation and prevent “he‑said / she‑said” dynamics:• All Parenting Coordination activities are documented and summarized;• Clear objectives are identified at each stage of the process; and• Decisions and rationales are explained in writing.Transparency protects both parents, supports accountability, and ensures alignment with the court order and the child’s best interests.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">6. Determinations as a Tool for Ending the Cycle When coaching and mediation do not resolve an issue, delay itself can become harmful. In those circumstances, a decision may be required to protect the child’s stability and routine.Within legislated limits, Parenting Coordinators are appointed to:• Assist parents in reaching consensus where possible; and• Make Determinations where agreement cannot be reached.Determinations are intentionally narrow and focus on:• The core issue, stripped of relational “noise”; and• The governing law, centered on the Best Interests of the Child (s. 37, Family Law Act).When filed, Determinations are court‑enforceable. A review under s. 19 of the Family Law Act remains available where there is an alleged error of jurisdiction, law, or mixed law and fact.<span style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;" data-mce-style="font-family: var(--head-fontFamily); font-size: calc(24px * var(--head-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--head-fontStyle, normal); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">When Parenting Coordination Must End Stopping family violence does not always mean continuing Parenting Coordination.If the process itself is being used to sustain control, retaliation, or ongoing conflict, ending Parenting Coordination may be the most child‑protective intervention available.The ultimate goal is not cooperation for its own sake, but a structure that allows the child to experience the safest and most stable childhood possible—consistent with the court order and free from ongoing parental conflict.Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator since 2008 and a family law lawyer in British Columbia since 1998. For other articles on further considerations for your child's individual circumstances when BC law is applied using "the best interests of the child test", look at our blog on <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the--graduation-truce--is-a-dangerous-myth" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the--graduation-truce--is-a-dangerous-myth">Jointly Attended Events</a>, <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/what-high-conflict-co-parents-need-to-know-about-parenting-coordination-and-parallel-parenting" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/what-high-conflict-co-parents-need-to-know-about-parenting-coordination-and-parallel-parenting">Parallel Parenting</a> and other specific issues in our <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/resource-library">Resource Library</a>.&nbsp; © 2026 Cori McGuire. All Rights Reserved. Proprietary Workflow.

Parenting Coordination in Family Violence Cases

Large Group of Green Toy Soldiers Isolated

In my practice as a Parenting Coordinator, I often describe my role as a "supportive helper." I am here to walk alongside parents as they navigate the often-stormy waters of reorganization. My goal is to provide a map, a compass, and a safe harbor.However, for a harbor to be safe, it must have clear boundaries. Today, I want to talk about Privacy and Emotional Safety—not as legal concepts, but as fundamental acts of love for your children.<h3>The "Private Container" of the PC Process</h3>When we enter into Parenting Coordination, we sign the Standard Roster Participation Agreement as modified by your order and my practice. This isn't just paperwork; it is a promise to create a "sacred container" where we can speak freely and work toward healing.A vital part of this contract is that no one may record any portion of our meetings and no unauthorized listening in. True growth requires vulnerability. If a parent is secretly recording, or if there is an "invisible participant" listening in the background on a speakerphone, that vulnerability—and the safety of the process—disappears. Privacy is the soil in which resolution grows.<h3>Protecting the Digital and Physical Home</h3>Our homes should be a sanctuary for our children. In our communication agreements, we often discuss "digital hygiene." This is a basic parental responsibility to keep your child emotionally safe:<ul><li>Passwords: Keep iPhones and computers locked with passwords your children do not have.</li><li>The "Desk" Rule: Children should never stumble upon Court documents or legal emails left on a kitchen table or desk. A child’s job is to play, learn, and grow. When they see the "machinery" of litigation, it steals a piece of their childhood. Keeping these documents out of sight is a simple, powerful way to say, "I’ve got this; you just focus on being a kid."</li></ul><h3>From "Voice of the Child" to "Little Warriors"</h3>There is a profound difference between a child having a voice and a child having a job.<ul><li>Healthy Participation: When a child shares their perspective on things that affect them, they feel seen and respected.</li><li>The "Little Warrior": When a parent superimposes their own position onto a child, the child feels forced to become an advocate. As a Parenting Coordinator, "triangulation"—where a child is used as a messenger or a shield—is one of my deepest concerns. When a child becomes a "warrior" for one parent against the other, they aren't being empowered; they are being burdened. It is an immature dynamic that can cause lasting emotional harm.</li></ul><h3>A Path of Learning and Accountability</h3>My process is built on respect, coaching, and care. When I see these behaviors, my first step is always Education. I want to help you understand the "why" and coach you toward healthier habits.However, we must be clear: if, after education and coaching, these behaviors continue, they move into the realm of emotional harm. Parenting Coordination is, ultimately, Parent-Led Child Protection. If the sanctuary of the child cannot be protected through cooperation, the process moves toward enforcement:<ul><li>Education and Coaching: We learn a better way together.</li><li>Behavioral Agreements: We set firm "steps" to ensure safety.</li><li>Enforcement and Return to Court: If child abuse (in the form of emotional triangulation) continues, the matter may return to Court. This can lead to mandatory counseling, a change in parental responsibilities, or even a reduction in parenting time.</li></ul>I am here to help you put down the "evidence folders" and the recording devices so you can pick up the joy of parenting. Let’s work together to ensure your child’s only job is to be a child.Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. Cori has many other articles on the parenting coordination process and the legal requirement to focus on the best interests of the children under s. 37 of the Family Law Act such as: <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-midweek-bridge--why-a-10-minute-hello-matters" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-midweek-bridge--why-a-10-minute-hello-matters">The Midweek Hello</a>, <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/tips-for-successful-parenting-time-trades" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/tips-for-successful-parenting-time-trades">Tips for Time Trades</a> and <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-non-negotiable-rule--why-your-child-is-never-the-messenger" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/blog/the-non-negotiable-rule--why-your-child-is-never-the-messenger">Why Your Child is Never the Messenger</a>. For further specific issues please refer to our <a data-mce-href="https://kelownalawyer.com/Resource-library" href="https://kelownalawyer.com/Resource-library" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">Resource Library</a>.

Blog

How Parenting Coordinators Work to Keep You Out of Court

When PC Agreements are Ignored: Enforcement and Capacity

The Midweek Bridge: Why a 10-Minute Hello Matters

The Gift of Time Trades- Template Included

Parenting Coordination in Family Violence Cases

Little Warriors and Secret Recordings: Why Privacy is a P...