When Parents Disagree: Navigating ADHD, Assessments, and the Path Forward

In the world of co-parenting, few topics spark as much tension as a child’s mental health and development. It is incredibly common for one parent to observe a child struggling with focus or impulsivity, while the other sees a child who is simply energetic or "just being a kid."

When parents sit on opposite sides of a potential ADHD diagnosis, the child is often left in the middle without the support they need. As a Parenting Coordinator (PC), my role is to bridge that gap within my jurisdiction, assisting parents, within the limits of the appointing order or agreement, to implement existing parental responsibilities while reducing conflict.

The Challenge: Two Different Perspectives

Under Section 40(2) of the Family Law Act, parents with joint responsibility must consult one another on significant decisions, including medical and educational choices. However, when views diverge, the process can stall. Parent A might see a child who is remarkably successful at home and doesn't want to label them or consider medication. Parent B might see a child who is struggling with social cues, failing to finish schoolwork, or suffering from low self-esteem due to undiagnosed challenges.

The Solution: Turning to Neutral Professionals

Parents are often advised by medical professionals to move past a "he-said, she-said" stalemate. They also gather information from neutral professionals, teachers and daycare providers, to capture views of your child in a structured, peer-based environment, especially when you disagree,.

The diagnostic process typically involves:

• • Both parents and teachers complete standardized questionnaires (such as the SNAP, Vanderbilt or Conners scales).
  • Teachers provide data-driven feedback on how the child compares to their developmental peers.
    
  • A family doctor or pediatrician reviews these objective reports to determine if a referral or trial is necessary.

Navigating the BC Healthcare Reality

In British Columbia, waitlists for developmental pediatricians can unfortunately span one to two years. This delay can be detrimental to a child’s academic and social progress.

Family Doctors can often initiate ADHD medication trials themselves. If the questionnaires from both parents and teachers show a clear pattern, a GP can oversee a trial to see if the child benefits. This provides immediate data and relief while the family waits for a specialist appointment.

How Parenting Coordination Minimizes Conflict

• Where Parenting Coordination has been ordered or agreed, the PC’s role is limited and implementation‑focused. A PC does not diagnose conditions, recommend treatment, or direct medical professionals.When authorized by the appointing order or agreement, a PC may assist parents by: • facilitating child‑focused communication about medical concerns

  • helping structure a process for information‑sharing between parents

  • assisting parents to implement existing consultation obligations under s.40(2) of the Family Law ActIf parents remain at an impasse, a PC may make a narrow, binding determination only where the order or agreement expressly delegates authority to implement a specific existing parental responsibility (for example, whether to proceed with an already‑contemplated assessment), and only to prevent implementation paralysis—not to determine diagnosis or treatment.

  The Goal: A Child Who Thrives

ADHD is a common condition that requires immense skill and patience in parenting. Whether the solution is environmental changes, behavioral therapy, or medication, the goal is to give your child the tools they need to succeed.

If you and your co-parent are struggling to agree on your child’s needs, let’s explore the solutions together. My job is to ensure that the conflict stays between the adults, while the child receives the care they deserve.

As defined under the Family Law Act and Regulations, my binding decisions do not include changes to guardianship, parental responsibilities, relocation, or major alterations to parenting time—they're limited to day-to-day arrangements unless otherwise agreed.

This article discusses general considerations and may be updated over time. It is not a determination of the Best Interests of any particular child. Reproduction requires prior written consent.

This article is general information only. It is not medical advice, not Parenting Coordination advice, and does not describe the exercise of Parenting Coordinator authority in any specific case. Parenting Coordinators do not diagnose conditions, recommend treatment, or make medical decisions. Any binding determination by a PC must be expressly authorized by the applicable court order or family law agreement and is limited to implementation of existing responsibilities.

Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator since 2008 with 28 years of family law experience in British Columbia. For other articles on further considerations for your child's individual circumstances when BC law is applied using "the best interests of the child test", look at our blog on School Bullying, Smartphones I, Smartphones II, Refusing to Go to Activities, Child Refusing Parenting Time, and other specific issues in our Resource Library. 

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