When Parents Disagree: Navigating ADHD, Assessments, and the Path Forward

In the world of co-parenting, few topics spark as much tension as a child’s mental health and development. It is incredibly common for one parent to observe a child struggling with focus or impulsivity, while the other sees a child who is simply energetic or "just being a kid."

When parents sit on opposite sides of a potential ADHD diagnosis, the child is often left in the middle without the support they need. As a Parenting Coordinator (PC), my role is to bridge that gap, ensuring that the "best interests of the child" remain the primary focus while reducing the conflict between parents.

 The Challenge: Two Different Perspectives
Under Section 40(2) of the Family Law Act, parents with joint responsibility must consult one another on significant decisions, including medical and educational choices. However, when views diverge, the process can stall.

Parent A might see a child who is "remarkably successful" at home and doesn't want to "label" them or consider medication.
Parent B might see a child who is struggling with social cues, failing to finish schoolwork, or suffering from low self-esteem due to undiagnosed challenges.
The Solution: Turning to Neutral Professionals
To move past a "he-said, she-said" stalemate, we look to the neutral professionals who see your child in a structured, peer-based environment: teachers and daycare providers.

The diagnostic process typically involves:

• Standardized Questionnaires: Both parents and teachers complete forms (such as the Vanderbilt or Conners scales).
• Neutral Observations: Teachers provide data-driven feedback on how the child compares to their developmental peers.
  
• The Medical Team: A family doctor or pediatrician reviews these objective reports to determine if a referral or trial is necessary.

Navigating the BC Healthcare Reality
In British Columbia, waitlists for developmental pediatricians can unfortunately span one to two years. This delay can be detrimental to a child’s academic and social progress.

• It is important to know that Family Doctors can often initiate ADHD medication trials themselves. If the questionnaires from both parents and teachers show a clear pattern, a GP can oversee a trial to see if the child benefits. This provides immediate data and relief while the family waits for a specialist appointment.

How Parenting Coordination Minimizes Conflict
A Parenting Coordinator acts as a steady hand during this emotional process. While I am not a therapist or a behavioral analyst, I serve several vital roles:

• Communication Coach: I help parents discuss medical concerns without it devolving into an argument.
• Process Overseer: I ensure that both parents have their voices heard by the medical team and that information is shared transparently.
• Fact-Finder: I help gather the neutral reports from schools to ensure decisions are based on evidence, not just opinion.
• Arbitrator: If parents simply cannot agree on a path forward (such as whether to proceed with a psychoeducational assessment), I can make a binding decision to ensure the child isn't stuck in limbo.
   
  The Goal: A Child Who Thrives
  ADHD is a common condition that requires immense skill and patience in parenting. Whether the solution is environmental changes, behavioral therapy, or medication, the goal is to give your child the tools they need to succeed.

If you and your co-parent are struggling to agree on your child’s needs, let’s explore the solutions together. My job is to ensure that the conflict stays between the adults, while the child receives the care they deserve.