When "I Don't Want To" Becomes a Barrier: Navigating Resistance in Extracurriculars

As parents, we’ve all heard it: "I don't want to go!" Sometimes it’s just a mood, but for many families I work with, this resistance is a constant hurdle—even for vital activities like school or life-saving skills like swimming.

When your child refuses to participate, it’s natural to feel stuck. You might find yourself wondering: Is this just shyness? Is it a sensory issue? Could my child be on the autism spectrum or have other neurodivergent traits?

Whatever the root cause, our role as parents remains the same: to ensure our children build the social and physical skills they need to thrive.

Lessons from My Own Living Room
I’m a mother of four, and I’ve been in the trenches. One of my children is a true introvert—someone who has always found new environments and groups incredibly overwhelming.

I knew swimming wasn't optional; it’s a safety requirement. However, the traditional crowded community center pool was a "no-go" for my child's temperament. Here is how we adapted:

• Changed the environment: We moved lessons to a neighbor’s backyard pool.
• Modified the social dynamic: We hired a private instructor for just my child and a few close friends or siblings.

Yes, it cost more. But the "buy-in" we got from creating a safe, familiar space was worth every penny. It turned a source of anxiety into a source of mastery.

Identifying the "Why"
Before we can fix the behavior, we have to understand the cause. It is our responsibility to investigate what is happening under the surface:

• Sensory Overload: Is the environment too loud, too bright, or too crowded?
• Social Stress: Is there a bully or a personality clash with an instructor?
• Temperament: Is your child simply slower to "warm up" to new situations?
  

If you are struggling to find this "why" or can't get your child to engage in necessary activities, don't feel you have to do it alone. Behavioral analysts or interventionists are the professionals trained to guide us through these parenting roadblocks. They can provide the specific strategies needed to turn resistance into participation.

 The Role of Co-Parenting and Coordination
In a co-parenting dynamic, these struggles can sometimes lead to conflict between households. One parent might feel the activity is essential, while the other feels the child shouldn't be "forced."

Our ultimate goal is to ensure the child is actually benefiting from the activity.

If you have tried to "change the room" (modifying the environment), discussed it thoroughly with your co-parent, and still find your child is not benefiting or attending, it’s time to reach out. As your Parenting Coordinator, I am here to help you and your co-parent navigate these disagreements. Together, we can explore creative solutions that honor your child’s unique needs while ensuring they don't miss out on essential life skills.