Little Warriors and Secret Recordings: Why Privacy is a Parental Responsibility

In my practice as a Parenting Coordinator, I often describe my role as a "supportive helper." I am here to walk alongside parents as they navigate the often-stormy waters of reorganization. My goal is to provide a map, a compass, and a safe harbor.

However, for a harbor to be safe, it must have clear boundaries. Today, I want to talk about Privacy and Emotional Safety—not as legal concepts, but as fundamental acts of love for your children.

The "Private Container" of the PC Process
When we enter into Parenting Coordination, we sign the Standard Roster Participation Agreement as modified by your order and my practice. This isn't just paperwork; it is a promise to create a "sacred container" where we can speak freely and work toward healing.

A vital part of this contract is that no one may record any portion of our meetings and no unauthorized listening in. True growth requires vulnerability. If a parent is secretly recording, or if there is an "invisible participant" listening in the background on a speakerphone, that vulnerability—and the safety of the process—disappears. Privacy is the soil in which resolution grows.

Protecting the Digital and Physical Home
Our homes should be a sanctuary for our children. In our communication agreements, we often discuss "digital hygiene." This is a basic parental responsibility to keep your child emotionally safe:

• Passwords: Keep iPhones and computers locked with passwords your children do not have.
• The "Desk" Rule: Children should never stumble upon Court documents or legal emails left on a kitchen table or desk.
  
  A child’s job is to play, learn, and grow. When they see the "machinery" of litigation, it steals a piece of their childhood. Keeping these documents out of sight is a simple, powerful way to say, "I’ve got this; you just focus on being a kid."

From "Voice of the Child" to "Little Warriors"
There is a profound difference between a child having a voice and a child having a job.

• Healthy Participation: When a child shares their perspective on things that affect them, they feel seen and respected.
• The "Little Warrior": When a parent superimposes their own position onto a child, the child feels forced to become an advocate.
  
  As a Parenting Coordinator, "triangulation"—where a child is used as a messenger or a shield—is one of my deepest concerns. When a child becomes a "warrior" for one parent against the other, they aren't being empowered; they are being burdened. It is an immature dynamic that can cause lasting emotional harm.

A Path of Learning and Accountability
My process is built on respect, coaching, and care. When I see these behaviors, my first step is always Education. I want to help you understand the "why" and coach you toward healthier habits.

However, we must be clear: if, after education and coaching, these behaviors continue, they move into the realm of emotional harm. Parenting Coordination is, ultimately, Parent-Led Child Protection. If the sanctuary of the child cannot be protected through cooperation, the process moves toward enforcement:

• Education and Coaching: We learn a better way together.
• Behavioral Agreements: We set firm "steps" to ensure safety.
• Enforcement and Return to Court: If child abuse (in the form of emotional triangulation) continues, the matter may return to Court. This can lead to mandatory counseling, a change in parental responsibilities, or even a reduction in parenting time.

I am here to help you put down the "evidence folders" and the recording devices so you can pick up the joy of parenting. Let’s work together to ensure your child’s only job is to be a child.