Extracurricular Activities for your Child

Extracurricular activities like dance, sports, or music lessons are wonderful opportunities for your child to learn, grow, and have fun. These activities are about their experience, their development, and their joy. As parents, your role is to support and encourage them in a way that prioritizes their well-being and positive participation.

Focusing on Your Child's Experience
It's About Them: Remember that the activity belongs to your child. Their engagement, learning, and enjoyment are the primary goals. This means stepping back and allowing them to fully participate without your personal preferences or past experiences overshadowing their journey.

A United Front: When both parents can civilly and positively engage in supporting their child's activities, it sends a powerful message of love and stability. Your child looks out into the audience or at the sidelines and sees a united front, celebrating their efforts. This shared presence reinforces their sense of security and encourages them to thrive.

Be a Positive Spectator: Your child benefits immensely from seeing both parents behaving respectfully towards each other and towards the activity's organizers, coaches, or teachers. This models good sportsmanship, cooperation, and respect for authority.

Navigating Shared Responsibilities
Cooperation is Key: Successful co-parenting in extracurricular activities requires cooperation and a focus on what's best for your child. This includes sharing responsibilities like transportation, attendance at events, and communication with instructors.

Respecting Each Other's Role: Both parents have an equal right to be involved in their child's activities. This includes being present for lessons, performances, or games, and interacting with their child as needed. The focus should always be on supporting the child, not on limiting the other parent's involvement.

Privacy and Practicalities: In shared spaces like changing rooms, the primary concern is the safety and comfort of all children. This means adhering to the rules and guidelines set by the activity's organizers, which are typically designed to ensure a safe and appropriate environment for everyone. Parental presence in these areas should be solely focused on assisting their own child when necessary and respecting the privacy of other participants.

Solutions for Shared Participation and Maintaining Civility
Your child benefits most when both parents can actively participate in and support their extracurricular activities, regardless of whose scheduled parenting time it may be. Here are some solutions to help facilitate this while ensuring a positive environment:

• Maintain Respectful Distance: At events, whenever possible, strive to maintain a physical distance of at least 20 feet from the other parent. This helps to reduce potential tension and allows both parents to enjoy the event without discomfort.
• Always Maintain Civility: Your child is watching you. At all times, exhibit polite and respectful behavior towards the other parent. Avoid any arguments, snide remarks, or negative body language.
• No Badmouthing, Ever: Never speak negatively about the other parent, whether directly to them, to other parents, to organizers, or to coaches/teachers at the event. This is crucial for showing respect to your child and prevents your family from being labeled as "problematic." Your child deserves to enjoy their activities without feeling caught in parental conflict.
• Respect Parenting Time: During the other parent's designated parenting time, take a backseat role. Unless specifically agreed upon in advance, allow the parent with parenting time to take the lead in interacting with the child and managing their needs at the event.
• Private Hellos and Goodbyes: Always allow the parent who does not have parenting time a few private minutes with the child to greet them warmly before the event and to say goodbye afterwards. This small act of consideration means a great deal to your child and the other parent.
• Awards and Certificates: If your child receives an award, certificate, or special recognition, it should go home with the parent who has parenting time. The other parent should be given a moment to view it and celebrate the achievement with their child before it leaves the venue. Do not engage in any disagreement over who takes the award. If you desire a copy for yourself, communicate this request in writing within 24 hours of the event.
   
  By focusing on cooperation, mutual respect, and prioritizing your child's experience, you can ensure their extracurricular activities are truly enriching and positive for everyone involved.