Embracing the Perfect Imperfection: A New Year's Resolution for Co-Parents

As the calendar turns and the holidays give way to the promise of a New Year, there is a palpable sense of magic and anticipation. This time often inspires us to reflect on the past and set ambitious resolutions for the future—goals focused on self-improvement, fitness, or financial success.

This year, I want to offer you a different kind of resolution, one that is truly transformative for your well-being and, crucially, for your children's stability: The resolution to let go of expectations and embrace acceptance.

The Weight of "What Should Be"
We live in a world defined by constant change and continual challenge. This reality is magnified exponentially within the realm of co-parenting after separation. It is natural to carry a heavy burden of expectation: The exchange should be smooth. My co-parent should be reasonable. The schedule should be followed perfectly.

When reality inevitably clashes with this internal script, we experience frustration, anger, and disappointment. Does your co-parent seem to intentionally arrive late, pick up at the wrong location, or even engage in petty provocations—like driving over the fresh snow on your driveway just to make ice ruts and shoveling more difficult?

Your natural, human response is to resist this behavior. You dwell on it, perhaps complain about it, and allow it to consume mental and emotional energy.

Here is the fundamental truth: What you resist, persists.

Drawing any mental attention to these provocations—whether it is a late arrival or a passive-aggressive act—ultimately rewards the behavior. It gives it power over your emotional landscape and distracts you from your true purpose.

The Power of Acceptance: Focusing on What You Control
The key to finding joy, peace, and long-term success in co-parenting is to shift your focus entirely. Instead of striving to make your co-parent or the situation fit your expectations, strive to make your response align with your children's best interests.

Acceptance is not resignation; it is a powerful strategic choice. It is the decision to ignore the noise and concentrate your energy on what truly matters: rebuilding and nurturing your new and perfect family structure.

• If the co-parent is late: Do not engage in a mental debate or send a frustrated text. Use those extra ten minutes to read a book with your child or simply sit quietly and breathe. That text message you want to send is not going to change their behaviour. Your acceptance of the tardiness removes its ability to disrupt your internal peace.
• If a petty provocation occurs: Immediately draw a mental boundary. Refuse to dedicate any emotional energy to it. The behavior receives no reward (your attention) and therefore loses its influence over you.
• Maybe the chaos, the challenges, and the imperfect exchanges are not obstacles but are, instead, the perfect lessons you need to grow. Perhaps they are the exact catalysts required to teach you the profound lesson of emotional detachment and self-regulation.

Your Resolution for Evolution
New Year’s Resolutions are about believing in the evolution of our being and committing to growth. This year, resolve to:

• Stop the internal negotiation: Accept that the past is over, and the present moment—messiness included—is your reality.
• Redirect your energy: Every time you notice yourself focusing on a co-parent's poor choice, pivot. Ask yourself: "How can I best serve my child's interest right now?"
• Embrace Perfect Imperfection: Believe that your family structure, challenges and all, is perfect for the lessons and growth you need this year.
  

Let this New Year be defined by your strength to let go and your resolve to accept. This profound shift will not only lighten your own emotional load but will also model for your children the most crucial life skill of all: the ability to find peace and stability regardless of the circumstances around you.