Doing Less, Not Nothing: Why a Parenting Coordinator Sometimes Waits

May 16, 2026·By Cori McGuire

Parents often expect immediate involvement from a Parenting Coordinator when a new issue arises. When that does not happen, it can feel confusing or frustrating, especially in high‑conflict situations. In reality, there are times when the most constructive, cost‑effective, and child‑focused approach is for the Parenting Coordinator not to intervene at all. This is not avoidance. It is intentional, disciplined practice. Understanding when and why a Parenting Coordinator waits can help parents avoid unnecessary cost, reduce escalation, and make better decisions about when to seek help — and when not to.

Parenting Coordination Is a Structured Process, Not Constant Supervision

Parenting coordination is designed to help parents implement existing parenting arrangements, not to supervise every discussion or decision.

Parents are generally expected to communicate directly with one another prior to involving the parenting coordinator. The communication protocol provides a clear and safe way to ask the parenting coordinator questions or ask for assistance, but it does not require that every parenting discussion involves the Parenting Coordinator.

When parents are communicating directly and no one has asked for assistance, the process is often working as intended.

Not Every Parenting Issue Requires Intervention

Parents frequently explore ideas before knowing whether agreement is possible. For example, one parent may ask about adding a mid‑week parenting time visit after school, or parents may discuss changing a parenting schedule from a 2‑2‑5 arrangement to a 7‑7 rotation for a child.

These are not minor logistical details. They are potential changes to parenting time, and they raise important considerations, including a child’s developmental stage, attachment and transitions, school or daycare routines, fatigue and emotional regulation, and the need for stability and predictability.

Because these issues are highly fact‑specific, there is no one‑size‑fits‑all rule. What works for one family or one child may not work for another.

If parents are discussing these possibilities directly and no one has requested assistance, the Parenting Coordinator will often wait. Premature intervention can unnecessarily increase cost, escalate conflict, undermine parental autonomy, and turn exploratory discussions into entrenched disputes.

In practice, this means that when parents are discussing a possible change — such as adding a mid‑week visit or adjusting a parenting schedule — the Parenting Coordinator will often allow that discussion to unfold before stepping in. If the conversation resolves, no professional time is spent. If it stalls, escalates, or one parent asks for assistance, the process then shifts into a structured forum where the issue can be addressed efficiently and safely.

Implementation Versus Change: Why the Distinction Matters

Parenting coordination focuses on implementing existing court orders or agreements. An agreement to change parenting time — even by mutual consent — is not implementation. It is a new agreement between parents. Examples include changing a 2‑2‑5 schedule to a 7‑7 rotation or adding new mid‑week parenting time during the school week.

If parents agree to a change, they are legally entitled to do so. Such agreements are made under section 6 of the Family Law Act and should usually be recorded, often with the benefit of independent legal advice. The Parenting Coordinator does not approve, endorse, or determine these changes.

When the Parenting Coordinator May Become Involved

If both parents want assistance, the Parenting Coordinator may step in in a facilitative role. This can include helping parents clarify what is being proposed, identifying child‑focused considerations, exploring whether a time‑limited trial might be appropriate, thinking through safeguards and review points, and assisting with clear drafting of terms if requested. This is facilitation, not adjudication. Any resulting agreement belongs to the parents.

Why Structured Meetings Are Often the Safest and Least Expensive Option

Some parenting issues are difficult to resolve through written exchanges alone. Tone, misunderstanding, and repetition often increase conflict and cost.

For that reason, when assistance is requested, the most effective forum is often a short, structured three‑way call or MS Teams meeting. These discussions are guided by a clear agenda, defined time limits, a focus on child‑centred considerations, and clear ground rules for respectful participation.

In practice, these meetings are far less expensive than extended written exchanges and lead to much greater understanding. They also provide an emotionally safer structure, particularly in cases involving a history of family violence. The process is controlled, communication is moderated, and the focus remains on implementation and children rather than blame or escalation.

Structure and Communication Rules Are There to Protect Everyone

Structure is not about control. It is about safety, predictability, and efficiency. Agendas, communication rules, and defined processes reduce emotional escalation, protect parents from reactive exchanges, keep discussions child‑focused, and prevent cost from spiralling. Parents are always free to decline a proposed meeting or structured discussion, and that choice will be respected.

It is important to understand, however, that refusing structured forums usually leads to longer written exchanges, greater misunderstanding, increased professional time, and higher overall cost.

What Parents Can Expect

Parents working with me can expect that I will intervene when assistance is requested or necessary, but not simply because an issue exists. I respect parental autonomy where appropriate, use structure strategically to reduce cost and conflict, and remain focused on children’s stability and well‑being.

Sometimes the most professional response is to wait, observe, and allow parents the space to resolve matters themselves. That is not doing nothing. It is part of how effective parenting coordination works.

Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator since 2008 and a family law lawyer since 1998 in British Columbia. For further articles on the role of the parenting coordinator, read The Framework of Trust: Why My Professional Boundaries Protect Your Family and Is Parenting Coordination a Waste of Money When Your Co-Parent Won’t Budge?, and refer to our Resource Library.