Choosing a School: A Guide for Separated Parents

When parents live far apart, choosing the right school for their child can be a complex and emotional process. It requires careful consideration of what's best for the child's stability, education, and well-being. This guide breaks down the key factors to consider, from legal obligations to practical compromises, to help you navigate this important decision.

1. The Legal Starting Point: Agreement or Order
 

The first and most crucial step is to determine if a formal agreement or court order is already in place regarding the child's schooling. If so, you must follow it. If not, parents should strive to reach a mutual decision. In British Columbia, the Family Law Act provides a framework for making decisions in a child's best interests. Section 37 outlines several factors that a court and your parenting coordinator considers when making orders, including:

• The child's health and emotional well-being.
• The child's views, unless inappropriate.
• The history of the child's care.
• The need to protect the child from family violence.
• The child's relationship with each parent and other family members.
• The child's need for stability.
• The ability of each person to care for the child.
• The impact of any change in the child's care.
• Any civil or criminal proceedings relevant to the child's safety.
• The child's cultural, linguistic, and religious upbringing.
  

These factors can serve as a helpful guide for parents trying to make their own decision, even without court intervention.

2. Location and Community: Splitting the Difference or Staying Put?
 

A key question is whether the child should attend school in the catchment of one parent or somewhere in the middle. There are pros and cons to each approach:

• Attending school in a parent's catchment area: This provides a sense of community, stability, and belonging as the child can build friendships and participate in local activities with friends. They'll have a consistent peer group and access to local amenities. This arrangement works well when one parent is the primary caregiver or when travel to school is already an issue.
• Splitting the travel distance: Choosing a school in the middle might seem like a fair compromise, but it could mean the child spends significant time commuting and lacks a consistent sense of community at either parent's home. The child may feel like a visitor rather than a resident in both places. This may also limit their ability to form friendships and participate in after-school activities with peers.
  

It's important to consider which option provides the child with the most stable and supportive environment.

3. Special Needs and Educational Fit
 

The school's ability to meet your child's specific needs is paramount.

Does your child have special needs? If so, you need to research which schools have the best resources, programs, and staff to support them. You'll need to look beyond general reputation and focus on specific support services like Individualized Education Programs (IEPs), speech therapy, or occupational therapy.

Are there any special attributes that resonate with the child's needs? Consider schools with strong athletic programs, French immersion, or trades-focused education if those align with your child's interests and aptitudes.

School ratings: Resources like the Fraser Institute's school rankings can be a useful starting point, but they should not be the sole factor. These rankings often focus on academic performance and don't necessarily reflect a school's strengths in other areas like arts, sports, or special education.
It's worth visiting schools and speaking to the principals and teachers to get a true sense of the school's culture and its capacity to meet your child's needs.

4. Financial and Practical Considerations
 

Can you afford private school? Private school may offer a unique educational experience but often comes with a significant cost. Both parents must be in agreement and able to contribute financially.

Extracurricular activities: If the child attends school in one parent's area, can they still participate in extracurriculars in the other parent's area? This requires a great deal of coordination and may not always be practical. However, if the parents are willing to cooperate, it can be a great way to ensure the child maintains a connection to both communities.
 

5. The Power of Compromise
 

When parents are at odds, seeking a compromise is often the best path forward, as it helps avoid a costly and stressful court determination.

Here are some ways to find a middle ground:

• Divide extracurriculars: Maybe the child attends school in one location and participates in a main sport or club in the other.
• Focus on the big picture: Remember that a child's sense of stability, security, and love is more important than where they attend school.
• Reducing the Commute Together: It's important to remember that a long daily commute is a burden on the child, not just the parent doing the driving. One parent's decision to move shouldn't automatically mean the child has to spend an extra two hours in a car or in childcare. An excellent compromise is to share the driving. This could mean that the parent who lives farther away meets the other parent halfway, or that you work together to manage drop-offs and pickups. This reduces the child's time in a vehicle and ensures they have more relaxed, quality time with both parents.
   

By keeping the focus on your child's best interests and being willing to compromise, you can find a solution that works for everyone. While the situation is challenging, navigating it successfully can set a positive example for your child about cooperation and resilience.

6. A Real-Life Example: The Commuting Parent
 

Let's consider a common scenario. Two parents, Jane and Mark, lived in the same city and agreed their children would attend a daycare close to their respective workplaces. Then, Mark decided to move 35 minutes away to another town. Now, Mark wants the children to attend school near his new home, arguing they have "two equally important homes." 

A parenting coordinator helps them assess the situation, highlighting a key flaw in Mark's reasoning: his personal choice to move is creating a significant burden on the children and the other parent. Here’s why:

• Long Commutes: On school days, both parents still work in the same city. If the children attend school in Mark's new town, Jane would have to drive them for over an hour and ten minutes each way on her days, just to get them to and from school and her job. This daily 2.5-hour commute for the children is a direct consequence of Mark's move.
• Impact on the Child: Such a lengthy commute would force the children to wake up much earlier and be in extended-hour childcare, adding significant stress and fatigue. It's not in their best interest to spend so much time commuting, particularly when it's avoidable.

Prioritizing the Child's Needs: The parenting coordinator explained that while Mark's new home is important to him, a parent's lifestyle choices should not negatively impact the child's daily routine and well-being. The child’s need for stability and a reasonable daily schedule takes precedence over a parent's preference for a school near their new residence.
Ultimately, the best interest of the children is to minimize unnecessary travel and ensure a stable, consistent routine. Mark's decision to move, while valid for him, does not automatically obligate the children or the other parent to bear the resulting logistical burden. This example underscores the principle that the child's needs—not a parent's convenience—must be the primary consideration.