Child Contact/ Alienation Problems

The Invisible Wound: When a Child Rejects a Parent
 

Parental separation can be one of the most difficult experiences a family faces. While many children navigate this transition with resilience, some unfortunately choose to reject a parent. This isn't just a simple case of a child being angry or difficult; it's a complex and deeply damaging dynamic. Often, this rejection starts with something minor a parent did, but it's fueled by a deeper, more insidious issue: parental alignment.

This happens when one parent, often unintentionally, aligns with the child against the other parent. It can be tempting, especially if you feel hurt by your co-parent, to confide in your child, making them a friend or an emotional confidant. This oversharing, this blurring of boundaries, is catastrophic for the child. It forces them into an impossible position and, in fact, is a form of emotional child abuse.

The Lifelong Cost of Parental Rejection
 

Social science research is clear: children who reject a parent suffer from lifelong disadvantages and difficulties in future relationships. They may struggle with trust, intimacy, and conflict resolution. This is because a child's fundamental sense of security and identity is built on having a relationship with both parents. When one parent is systematically excluded, a vital part of the child's psychological foundation is missing. Rejecting a parent is not a solution; it's a symptom of a family in crisis.

These children need to learn skills for navigating challenging situations and getting along with people, not just cutting them out of their lives. That's where parenting coordination becomes a crucial intervention.

The Parenting Coordinator's Role: An Orchestrator of Healing
 

As a parenting coordinator, my role is to act as an overseer of a structured counseling program for the entire family—not just the child. This process is designed to help the family move from a high-conflict dynamic to one of respectful, low-conflict co-parenting. The goal is to rebuild trust and create a new, healthier family narrative.

The counseling program often follows these key stages:

Individual Counseling for the Parents: Both parents work with a therapist to address their personal pain, anger, and communication deficits. The focus is on healing from past hurts so they can stop projecting their unresolved conflict onto the children.
Child Counseling: A therapist works with the child to help them process their feelings without taking on the role of a parent's confidant or having to choose sides. The goal is to give the child a safe space to express themselves and begin to re-establish a healthy relationship with both parents.
Co-Parenting Counseling: When both parents are ready, they enter therapy together to learn new communication skills, such as active listening and respectful disagreement. The goal is to demonstrate to the children that their parents can, in fact, work together. This is a powerful, corrective experience for a child who has witnessed constant conflict.
The ultimate goal of this process is parallel parenting, where parents can parent their own way with minimal communication and no ongoing conflict. This isn't about becoming friends again; it's about moving past the hurt to create new experiences where trust can be rebuilt. Trust is not a feeling; it is the ability to rely on consistent, respectful communication—and this new foundation is what will secure your child's future well-being.

Parenting coordination seeks to avoid court because litigation only exacerbates conflict. Instead, we work collaboratively to facilitate agreements between parents, improve their communication, and ensure compliance with the terms of their parenting plan. We do this with compassion and understanding, always with the child's best interest at the forefront.