A Safe Place to Talk—Not a Side to Choose

Jun 12, 2026·By Cori McGuire

When parents separate, children do not experience the event as a discrete legal transition. For children, separation unfolds over time through changed homes, altered routines, shifting allegiances, and recalibrated emotional expectations. In a parenting coordination context in British Columbia, this matters because the role is not to revisit the legal issues but to support the implementation of parenting in a way that protects the child’s development. One of the most common implementation issues—and one that frequently requires a determination—is whether a child will attend counselling and, if so, with whom.

It is not uncommon for one parent to resist therapy and to frame that resistance as a matter of principle. Sometimes that takes the form of insisting that the child should only see a “Christian counsellor,” or that counselling should reflect a particular belief system. These concerns are often sincerely held. They can also, if not properly understood, delay or prevent a child from receiving support that is otherwise clearly in their best interests.

It is important to distinguish between a parent’s personal beliefs and the function of child therapy. Child counsellors are not engaged to shape a child’s worldview or to replace parental guidance on matters of faith or values. Their role is far narrower and more structured. A child counsellor provides a neutral, developmentally appropriate space in which a child can process change, develop communication skills, and regulate emotional experience. The therapist does not take sides between parents. The therapist is not aligned with one household or the other. The therapist is not there to advance either parent’s narrative about the separation.

Equally important, therapy is not part of litigation. A child’s counsellor should never be positioned, or perceived by the child, as a participant in a legal proceeding. Bringing a child’s therapist into court as a witness, or suggesting that what the child says in therapy may be reported to one parent or used to influence outcomes, fundamentally undermines the safety of the therapeutic environment. It creates a sense of surveillance rather than support. From the child’s perspective, this can feel like a betrayal. The space that was supposed to be private and emotionally safe becomes another place where they must manage risk, filter what they say, or protect one parent from the other.

Once that trust is lost, the therapy often loses its effectiveness. Children cannot do meaningful therapeutic work if they believe their words will be used against them or shared in ways they do not understand or control. In a parenting coordination process, it is often necessary to be explicit about this boundary: child counselling is for the child’s development and well-being, not for evidence-gathering, not for advocacy, and not for use in ongoing disputes.

Concerns about a counsellor’s religious orientation can also be addressed within this framework. Professional child counsellors are trained to work with families from a wide range of cultural and belief backgrounds. The role of the therapist is not to impose a belief system, but to respect and work within the child’s existing context, including the family’s values where appropriate. A competent therapist can support a child who comes from a Christian household, or any other belief system, without making religion a focal point of the therapy unless it is directly relevant to the child’s experience. In that sense, a requirement that a counsellor be identified as “Christian” is not typically necessary to ensure that the child’s family values are respected.

What does matter is that the therapist is qualified, experienced in working with children, and able to maintain neutrality between the parents. The core functions of therapy remain the same regardless of the therapist’s personal beliefs. The work centres on helping the child develop the skills they need to navigate their circumstances: how to express feelings without escalation, how to understand that they are not responsible for adult conflict, how to establish appropriate boundaries, and how to maintain a sense of stability across two homes.

From a parenting coordination perspective, the determination to appoint a counsellor for a child is therefore grounded in function, not ideology. The question is not whether the therapist aligns with a particular belief system, but whether the therapy will provide the child with what they are currently lacking in the family system. In high conflict situations, that often includes a consistent and neutral space where communication is safe, emotions are acknowledged, and the child is not drawn into adult dynamics.

Children should not have to choose between parents, carry messages, or manage the emotional fallout of adult disagreement. They should not have to protect one parent from the other. Where those pressures exist, even subtly, therapy becomes an important corrective. It helps restore appropriate boundaries, reinforces that the child is not responsible for the separation, and allows the child to return to a developmental position where they can focus on growth rather than survival.

In practice, when one parent resists therapy on the basis of preference for a particular type of counsellor, the focus returns to the child’s needs. If therapy is otherwise appropriate, the goal is to ensure that it proceeds in a way that is neutral, professionally grounded, and clearly outside of the litigation context. Parents retain their ability to guide their child’s values, including religious values, within their own parenting time. The therapist’s role remains distinct. It is a support function, not a value-setting one.

Maintaining that boundary protects both the integrity of the therapeutic process and, more importantly, the child’s trust in it. Without that trust, therapy cannot function. With it, therapy can provide exactly what many children need after separation: a place where they are not in the middle, where they are not responsible for outcomes, and where they can learn the communication, emotional regulation, and relational skills that will shape their lives well beyond the current conflict.

Written by Cori L. McGuire, family law mediator, arbitrator, collaborative family law lawyer and Parenting Coordinator with a family law practice in British Columbia since 1998.