What High-Conflict Co-Parents Need to Know About Parenting Coordination and Parallel Parenting

High‑Conflict Parenting: When Traditional Co‑Parenting Fails

If you are reading this, you are likely exhausted. An estimated 10–15% of separated families experience ongoing, high‑conflict parenting disputes that drain emotional energy, financial resources, and attention from what matters most—the children.

For families in this category, conventional advice such as “communicate more,” “cooperate,” or “compromise”often makes things worse, not better. Increased interaction simply creates more opportunities for conflict.

The good news is that there are structured, legally recognized approaches designed specifically for high‑conflict situations. Two of the most commonly used are Parenting Coordination and Parallel Parenting.

This article explains—at a general level—how these approaches are used in British Columbia, and why they are often considered when conflict repeatedly interferes with the implementation of parenting arrangements.

Part 1: Parenting Coordination — A Structured Implementation Process

Parenting Coordination (PC) is a process that may be established by court order or written agreement in high‑conflict parenting cases. A neutral professional—usually with legal or mental‑health training—is appointed to help parents implement existing court orders or agreements and reduce repeated returns to court over day‑to‑day disputes.

What Parenting Coordination Is (and Is Not)

Parenting Coordination is:

• Implementation‑focused, not therapeutic
• Order‑bound, not discretionary
• Child‑centred, not relationship‑repair‑oriented

A Parenting Coordinator does not:

• provide therapy

• enforce court orders

• re‑litigate past decisions

• change parenting arrangements

Their role exists only within the scope of authority granted by the appointing order or agreement.

Core Functions of a Parenting Coordinator

Depending on the terms of the order or agreement, a Parenting Coordinator may assist in the following limited ways:

Education and Coaching (Non‑coercive)

Helping parents understand:

• how conflict affects children

• how structured communication reduces escalation

• how to follow agreed or ordered processes

Facilitation of Dispute Resolution

Assisting parents to resolve minor implementation disputes, such as:

• scheduling details

• information‑sharing issues

• routine logistics

The focus is on keeping discussions child‑focused and aligned with existing orders.

Determinations (Where Expressly Authorized)

If parents reach an impasse and the order permits it, the Parenting Coordinator may make a limited determination to implement the existing order or agreement. These determinations do not create new parenting arrangements and do not involve broad best‑interests adjudication.

Where a matter exceeds the Parenting Coordinator’s authority, or where a parent does not participate in good faith, the issue must be returned to court.

Why Parenting Coordination Is Used

Research and court experience indicate that Parenting Coordination can reduce repeated court applications in high‑conflict cases by providing a structured, predictable process for resolving recurring issues.

For families, this may mean:

• fewer court appearances

• lower legal costs

• quicker resolution of day‑to‑day disputes

It does not guarantee cooperation, emotional healing, or improved relationships—but it can reduce procedural conflict.

Part 2: Parallel Parenting — A Low‑Conflict Parenting Structure

In some families, frequent communication is itself the problem. Parallel Parenting is a parenting model designed for situations where ongoing interaction between parents reliably escalates conflict.

Parallel parenting does not require parents to be collaborative, friendly, or emotionally aligned. Instead, it aims to minimize contact while preserving each parent’s independent relationship with the child.

What Is Parallel Parenting?

Parallel parenting involves:

• clearly defined parenting responsibilities

• minimal direct communication

• structured methods for information‑sharing

• reduced opportunities for conflict exposure for the child

Each parent manages day‑to‑day decisions during their own parenting time, within the boundaries of the court order or agreement.

Common Features of Parallel Parenting Plans

While every plan depends on the specific order or agreement, parallel parenting arrangements often include:

• Structured written communication (e.g., email or a parenting app)

• Limits on communication content to necessary child‑related logistics

• Neutral exchange arrangements (school, daycare, curbside)

• Independent daily decision‑making within each parent’s time

• Clear escalation pathways for unresolved issues (which may include Parenting Coordination, if authorized)

These structures are designed to reduce exposure to conflict, not to improve the parental relationship.

Why Parallel Parenting Can Protect Children

Research consistently shows that ongoing, intense parental conflict—not separation itself—is one of the strongest predictors of negative outcomes for children.

By reducing contact and removing children from adult disputes, parallel parenting can:

• lower stress and anxiety

• increase predictability

• support emotional stability

It does not require parents to agree, like each other, or work closely together.

Conclusion: Focus on What You Can Control

If collaborative co‑parenting has failed, that does not mean you have failed as a parent. It often means the structure is wrong for the level of conflict present.

• Parenting Coordination can provide a structured process for implementing existing orders without constant court involvement.

• Parallel Parenting can reduce conflict by limiting unnecessary interaction.

The goal is not friendship or reconciliation.

The goal is stability, predictability, and reduced conflict exposure for children, within the framework of existing legal arrangements.

Important Note

This article is provided for general informational purposes only. The role, authority, and scope of a Parenting Coordinator depend entirely on the terms of the applicable court order or written agreement. Parenting Coordination is not therapy, and Parenting Coordinators do not enforce court orders or vary parenting arrangements.

Written by Cori McGuire, a Parenting Coordinator since 2008 and a family law lawyer in British Columbia. For other articles on further considerations for your child's individual circumstances when BC law is applied using "the best interests of the child test", look at our blog on Graduation and Other Events, Family Violence, and other specific issues in our Resource Library.