Gender Identity in Parenting Coordination

How does parenting coordination assist your family with children's gender identity issues?

A child expressing gender dysphoria or a desire to transition is a sensitive journey for a family to navigate. As your PC, I approach this with a focus on the reality of your child's experience and their right to be safe.

Parents never want suffering for their child. Often, they react out of fear or a desire to protect the version of the child they have always known. Parenting coordination is not grounded in personal feelings; it is  centered in the reality of what is.

The Legal and Ethical Framework in BC

The legal framework in BC requires an approach consistent with the Human Rights Code, prohibiting discrimination based on gender identity or expression. To support this, the BC Ministry of Education utilizes SOGI 123 standards to protect all students to feel safe and included.

Under Section 37 of the Family Law Act (FLA), all decisions must be made with the best interests of the child as the only consideration. To determine this, we must consider:

• S. 37(2)(a): The child's health and emotional well-being.
• S. 37(2)(b): The child's views (unless inappropriate to consider).
• S. 37(2)(e): The child's need for stability, given the child's age and stage of development.
• S. 37(2)(g): The impact of any family violence (including psychological harm) on the child's safety, security, or well-being.
  

Parenting coordination does not debate religious philosophies. Instead, we focus on legal standards that prioritize the child’s immediate safety. While parenting coordination must adhere to the law, it is also rooted in respect for the human spirit. Every child is born with an inherent right to peace and happiness, and no child is expected to live in suffering or shame. My approach is guided by the conviction that we stand as a shield between a child and harm.

Bullying and isolation are serious threats to gender-diverse youth, therefore their home life needs to be peaceful. My role is to ensure that parental disagreements are not a source of further trauma. My role is to assist parents to lead a path towards a life where their child will safely thrive without fear.

 ACEs and the "Identity Whiplash" Effect

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) research concludes that chronic instability and a lack of belonging are primary drivers of long-term traumas. Research from the Family Acceptance Project and Pediatrics (2016) shows that when gender-diverse youth are supported by their primary caregivers, their risk of serious mental health problems drops from 5.9-8.4 times higher, to the same rates as their cisgender peers.

What is Identity Whiplash?

If one parent affirms the child’s identity and the other does not, the child is placed in a state of "Identity Whiplash." This ends up being a high-conflict environment, also known as a secondary ACE.

Under Section 37(2)(e), a child requires stability. Forcing a child to change their identity including their name, pronouns, or clothing between houses creates psychological instability. Instead of focusing on their own development, the child is left in survival mode, constantly monitoring their own behavior to avoid parental conflicts.

How PCs Assist: Bridging the Gap Between Law and Family Life

The BC courts have been clear about a child’s right to self-identify. In the landmark case A.B. v. C.D., 2020 BCCA 11, the BC Court of Appeal applied the child's right to make their own healthcare choices under the Infant's Act. The Court of Appeal also  found that a parent's refusal to acknowledge a child's identity, and attempts to block their transition, was a form of family violence from psychological harm.

As your PC, I use this legal clarity to move the family forward by:

• Standardizing communication. We don't from debate your child’s identity. The law and clinical standards already establish the path; the PC's job is to ensure both parents follow the law.
• Applying the Infants Act. If a child is deemed a "mature minor" by their healthcare providers, their consent to transition is legally valid. I help parents understand that their role is to support the child through this medical reality, rather than attempting to veto it.
• Facilitating Professional Consultations. Under Section 40(2) of the FLA, guardians must consult on healthcare. I facilitate meetings with gender-affirming specialists to ensure decisions are based on the medical evidence established in cases like A.B. v. C.D., not parental conflict.
• Consistency Across Households. I work to ensure the child experiences the same name and pronouns in both homes. This eliminates "identity whiplash" and fulfills the legal requirement for stability under Section 37(2)(e).

Glossary: Understanding the Language
These terms are used to align with medical and educational professionals:

• "Gender Identity" - A person’s internal, deeply felt sense of being male, female, a blend of both, or neither. This is different from the sex assigned at birth.
• "Gender Expression" - How a person presents their gender to the world through clothing, hair, voice, and behavior.
• "Cisgender" - A person whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth.
• "Transgender" - An umbrella term for people whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.
• "Non-Binary" - A person whose gender identity does not fit strictly into the categories of "male" or "female."
• "Gender Dysphoria" - The significant distress or discomfort that can occur when a person’s identity does not align with their physical body or assigned sex. This is a clinical term used to determine support and care.
• "Social Transition" - Non-medical steps a child takes to live as their self-identified gender (e.g., changing name, pronouns, and appearance).
• "Gender-Affirming Care" - A patient-centered approach to healthcare that supports and affirms a person’s gender identity.
• "Affirmation" - The act of validating a child's stated identity. Research shows parental affirmation is a primary "protective factor" against mental health risks.
  

Why the Language Matters

Using a child’s preferred name and pronouns is not just a preference; it is a tool for reducing toxic stress. By providing consistency, we provide stability (Section 37(2)(e)) and create a soft landing for a child navigating an uncertain world.